"sir, where do i pay?"
"uh... you take a ticket then you pay when you exit"
"here's my dollar"
"you don't pay here. you take a ticket and pay when you get off"
"what do i do?"
"you take a ticket and pay when you get off"
"where do i get a ticket"
"you see this yellow thing?"
*points at yellow thing*
"you take a ticket from this"
"where do i get a ticket again?"
"you've got to be kidding me. take THIS ticket"
*pulls ticket from machine and hands it to man*
"and you give the ticket to the collector at the other end and pay him"
"ok well here's my dollar"
"YOU DON'T PAY HERE PLEASE JUST GO."

and scene.

ok it's 230 in the morning and i'm bored, so here's the story of the time i almost got my ass kicked in china:
so anyway, it was a wednesday night at propaganda (one day ill write of the gloriousness that was prop, but for brevity's sake i'll just call it a bar we frequented on wednesday evenings). so we were on the dance floor (yar, i've been known to cut a rug, if you will, when im heavily under the influence) and it was quite crowded there. now dance floors suck. seriously. anyone who has ever been to a club and tells you they like dance floors is a liar who should be strung up from the nearest flagpole. so anyway, we had the campfire going (as always) and there was a small group of people who wanted to make their way by us to what i assume was the vip area (it was a few tables and booths behind where the dj did his magic, i'm just assuming it was a vip area). these people are walking by (i only remember a guy and a girl, though im certain there was at least one more) and the guy, quite rudely walked into me and gave me a bit of a shove. now i don't fancy myself to be an asshole. if i'm in a crowd, and someone gives me a tap, i'll make whatever room i can for them to pass by. however, i don't take kindly to being shoved when it is completely unnecessary. so i got a bit agitated, and as he walked by, i kinda gave him an elbow to the neck. completely innocuous, i swear. now, i probably could've gotten away with the elbow. it was crowded, and perhaps it was just a crazy dance move i did to get all bitches to swarm.even if i'd acknowledged the elbow with an 'oops, my bad' face, things would have been fine. however, as i have alluded to, i was somewhat under the influence, so after a step or so he turned around to give me a stare and for some reason i was still looking at him and returned the glare. (i feel at this point i should mention he was wearing a yankees hat. im not implying anything about yankees fans being assholes, im just trying to provide a visual. he was also asian, most likely chinese. again, just a visual). so we lock eyes, him looking like he wants to make me bleed, and me, returning the gaze cuz im an idiot. so he starts backing up while keeping his eyes locked on me. im still not looking away. then he starts trying to come at me. luckily his girlfriend, sister, or something was between us and holding him back. otherwise it wouldn't have been pretty. so anyway, i turn back to my friends after i'm certain he's no longer a threat and continue making an ass out of myself. i turn around a minute later, and the kid is still standing there staring at me, which made me feel somewhat uneasy since i imagine my fighting prowess probably isn't up to par. luckily at this point, some people were leaving so we all relocated upstairs, giving me a great excuse to extricate myself from a situation where that kid didn't seem to want to forgive and forget.

ok, so not to harp on a somewhat minor issue, but since i keep getting put in the $1 booths, im going to keep railing against retards (yes, retards, no politcally correct crap. if you cant figure this stuff out, you probably shouldnt have a drivers license). dont come up to my booth and ask me where interstate 95 is. please. driving under the sign that says "interstate 95 waltham/ dedham" would be too easy. seriously. were just screwing with you. take route 30, thats the real way to get to 95.

okle, china post!
so these stories are going to have no discernable order to them, they're just going to be stream of conscience things that i remember from the trip. some will be funny and interesting, others... not so much, but the chance of reading something great will keep you coming back for more!
so anyway towards the end of the trip as beijing became less of a freezing cold mass of grey dreariness that made you want to kill yourself and instead transformed into a simmering polluted kettle that made you sweat your balls off just by standing outside (no lie or exaggeration there. if i was outside from late april through the end of the trip and i didn't have a cool beverage in my hand, my balls were literally sweating) we began to play touch football games. the beijing institute of education campus could not handle a game of this sort since it really didn't have much free space (though we did have a basketball court) and the ground was all cement anyway, which isn't really conducive to any type of football. so we began to play football at the college campus next door which had a giant artificial turf field.
we technically weren't allowed to use the field since we weren't actual students of the college. however, being the rebels that we are, this did not stop us. we just went onto the field. i think we were questioned once but we just told them in chinese we attended the school and were left alone after that, which is all that matters. so we'd take up around, i'll call it 40% of the soccer field for our game. there was still enough room for a large soccer game on the field, and they weren't using it anyway, so no worries. one day as we were playing, some punk douche chinese kids decided after their gym class ended that they were going to play a little soccer by shooting on a goal, which is within their right. however, they had to choose the goal right in the middle of where we were playing. what started out as annoying began to piss us off very quickly as they wouldn't move out of our way. it all culminated on a 4th down play where a pass was thrown to si de fu (sp?) but instead of catching the pass (which should've happened), he piled into one of the snot nosed assholes who were interrupting our game. after that we got pissed at them, which led to us insulting them in english to their faces (which of course had no effect since they didn't understand what we were saying) and us kicking their ball away if given the chance. after about 10 mins of that, i think they understood whos field it was and they left, never to be heard from again. that is the power of american intimidation.

"another day in paradise, dealing with these fucking idiots out here"
-greeting given to me by a boston police officer as he pulled up to my booth earlier today

before i delve into my first china story here, i have a group project for anyone who actually bothers to read this (re:matt kane) and happens to live in the boston metropolitan area. drive westbound on the mass pike one day from newton and go through the interchange where 90 and 95 meet. read the signs. see how clearly marked they are. be thankful you arent a retard. whenever i work the westbound tolls where 90 and 95 meet many people come through claiming they got off the mass pike by accident because the signs are 'confusing' or 'it's not clearly marked'. now, i dont know about anyone else, but when there are two distinct signs, one for interstate 95, and the other for interstate 90 west, it's probably a good idea to drive under the sign of the road you'd like to travel. but everyday (my highest count was 84 for an 8 hour shift) many idiots come through believing the signs are in chinese characters. they make me want to stab them for being morons and myself for having to deal with them everyday. next time i drive that way, i'll have a camera ready to take pic to give some photo evidence of this post so i don't come off as a complete rambling idiot. china post in a few mins...