Monday, March 31, 2008

Totally Awesome Super Guide to Beijing!

Ok so a few months ago (or more like 6 weeks. I don't know, it's 330 in the morning and I'm but typing this instead of translating Chinese...) I was contacted by someone I knew in high school because he was going to study abroad in Beijing and wanted somewhat of a touristy guide from someone who had been there and knew stuff other than the Great Wall and Tiananmen Square. My response to him was incredibly too long, but when it's late at night and you're listening to some cheesy Chinese pop ("Bu de bu ai", how I love you...) and looking at old pics, sometimes you get sentimental and go overboard. Whatever, don't judge. Anyway, to make this relevant, I was talking to Alex today about this and he suggested I post the guide on this here blog in case people are searching online for stuff off the beaten path and come along this. Now, I can't believe a stranger would want to read my ramblings and have no clue why in the hell I'm now taking orders from Alex but whatever. The post I want to write now involves thought and time (it's a belated St. Patty's Day if you must know),while this just needs some quick editing and witty comments interspersed amongst the advice. So here is my Totally Super Awesome Guide to Beijing*!
(*superness and awesomeness is judged solely by me, so no guarantees that anyone else holds my exceedingly low standards):

(Quick note: the introduction was personal [not really] and not especially noteworthy or important to anyone who isn't applying to CET so it'd been cut for brevity's sake)

I didn't personally go to the Underground City but I heard it was kinda a let down. Some places off the beaten path that may be cool:Marco Polo Bridge (I personally didn't get there but wanted to. If you're a history nerd [like me] that I think that'd be nice to see). {we're going to put my new comments in these brackets so they can be distinguished. Anyway, I'm a history geek and think visiting the Marco Polo Bridge is a great way to spend the afternoon. Before you disagree, the man brought pasta to Italy, changing the course of Western civilization as we know it and allowing me to make countless references to Italy being a bunch of culture thieves, to my mother's great disdain/annoyance}
Gate of Heavenly Peace (This is at Tiananmen, so you've seen it, it's where Mao's pic hangs. We didn't figure out for a few months that you can actually go up there. You have a great view of Tiananmen and can take some good pics up there, if you didn't do that when you went before. Also at sunrise every morning at Tiananmen they have a flag demonstration. I'm not sure if I'd recommend waking up specifically for it, but if you're out late on a weekend, then it's worth checking out on your way home). {After never seeing it in four months, I saw it twice in about 10 days towards the end of the trip, each time culminating in a trip to Mcdonald's for breakfast, which for me involved a crispy chicken snack wrap and a hash brown. These things are important. At one point I was eating McDonald's at least five times a week. That was mainly in January before I adjusted to Chinese cuisine and cut myself down to four times a week. Anyway, McDonald's was an integral part of my Chinese experience and I would have murdered someone if there hadn't been one within walking distance. I can only eat so much noodles and chicken before I want to explode...}
Also, there's a museum near Tiananmen, I forget the name of it {yea, real fucking helpful, I know}, but it basically is a giant layout of the whole city, district by district, and has some interesting information/ 3D video.{plus it has models of all the Olympic venues, which I think is awesome. At one point I wanted to be architect so this still fascinates me. Unfortunately, I have zero creativity so instead I'm doing law.}
Off of Wangfujiang Street there's an outdoor food market that has some weird stuff (like cicadas, fish on sticks, eel) that you can buy pretty cheap. SOme {typo!} of the stuff is tasty, but it's fun to walk through and see all the weird shit on sticks. {the market had weird hours, I don't even know when it was open. Sometimes I'd walk by and it'd be open, other times...no. But that was a crazy place. If you like food on sticks, this is the place to be!}
There's also a good jiaozi {dumpling for our non Chinese readers} place right on the corner of that street. {the dumplings here were good, but there's a much better place in Xizhimen near where I went to school (The Beijing Institute of Education), or, a much better marker, the zoo. Seriously, I crave these dumplings multiple times a week. Nothing in America can hold a candle to them. Hence, I think I've eaten them like three times since I've been home.}
Aside from like the silk market, shopping wise there's a market called Panjiayuan that's only open on weekend mornings and it's a hike to get to, but there's a ton of cool old shit there. We wound up buysing some cheap Chinese propaganda posters there. {Mine has the faces of Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin and Mao. Yes, I did just leave my chair to double check the order and yes, Stalin is bullshit on that one. I'd be much happier with the poster if he wasn't there, but whatever.} It's worth checking out at least once.{if you like giant flea markets, this is the place, but there aren't many foreigners there, which is always a weird feeling}
For vacation, we did 5 days in Shanghai before Chun Jie and it was definitely worth it. {I'll post actual details on this later, but it was a fun trip. Shanghai is the balls.} You can probably do it in a weekend though, maybe 3 days if you decide to skip some class. In Shanghai, aide {typo!}from the obvious stuff, the Yi Yuan Gardens was really nice and relaxing and the house where the First Meeting of the CCP took place were cool to go to. {I have a sweet communist propaganda photo of me there. In the words of a friend who probably doesn't want his name up here (hint: his baseball nickname is Oral) 'that picture is probably going to come back to haunt you when you run for office in 20 years'.}
I didn't make it to Xi'An unfortunately {phenomenal story on why I didn't make it, involving me thinking I broke my hand-- though that's just a sidelight to the big events of the night before. However, that story is not kosher for this blogpiece. That one is strictly passed down in the oral tradition} but Alex did and he liked it alot. I also heard Qingdao was good. {there's a giant beer factory there. And beaches. China has neither.}
For our spring break we took a boat down the Yangtze to see the scenery since most of it will be gone within a few years. {I'll also write on this one later, that I've alluded to it in previous posts, like the one where the kid peed on my shit. My blood is still boiling from that...} It was fairly cheap and we saw some great stuff (I don't really have pics of it since I lost my camera beforehand but if you friend Alex he has a ton). Then we saw the Shaolin Temple and some central China cities like Zhengzhou (whatever you do, don't go to Kaifeng, it's the creepiest place ever) {seriously, don't fucking go to Kaifeng. I'll go into more detail later, but we were the ONLY foreigners in a city of like 3 million people. People were really fucking weird there and we felt uncomfortable the whole time and got into an argument with some guy over Chiang Kai-shek. Not that I didn't feel safe, the place just had a weird vibe that I'd rather not revisit}. Other spring break trips people took were Thailand, Cambodia, Tibet, and Xinjiang. {Xinjiang would be bad ass}
As for restaurants and bars, yea Sanlitun is the big barspot, especially for foreigners. We liked Kai, Shooters, and Bar Blu best there. There's also a wicked {I'm about to type the word 'wicked' about 10x in the next paragraph. No clue why. I say it no more than once a day but it got in here good} good Mexican place across the street from Bar Blu that's probably the closest you can get to the real thing in China. {and I was craving a burrito hardcore. I found out about this place the last week, which kinda sucked, but it was damn good, plus there's a good fish a chips place and TWO sweet dvds stores all in one area. It's like a Capitalist Paradise!}
There's a place like a 5-10 minute walk from Sanlitun called the Den. It's basically an English pub. They have a ton of good tap beer and there's always soccer or rugby on the tv. {strangely enthralling when you're in a group of people who give a shit} They also have some tasty food. WE {typo!}stopped by there on St. Patty's Day and it was full of people.
In Wudaokou there's Lush, which has a trivia night on Wednesday and serves American food {amazing chicken fingers and fries, and I'm a connossuer (blatant misspelling) on those} and good beer. We went there for St. Patty's Day cuz they had an all day Guinness special {which they tried to fuck us over on, but I'll get to that next time}. Also on Wednesday nights there's a bar called Propaganda that offers a 70 kuai open bar which we went to alot. {ah hangover Thursdays, how I miss ye. A mysterious illness usually swept over the HC kids on Wednesday night, giving us all food poisoning, causing us to miss class or show up late. Uncanny coincidence} It was always fun and it's a mix of foreigners and Chinese people.
Houhai has some cool bars also. There's Huxley's which has wicked cheap drinks and is fine to go hangout and get drunk. It's more of a guys place than girls though since they can't dance there. {I prefer getting drunk to dancing because I'm an alcoholic so I clearly prefer this bar. Also, Houhai was the scene of Debauchery Night, which needs its own post} Along the water there are some bars that have hookah which is pretty relaxing. There's also a pizza palce tucked away into an alley that's excellent. That and Cro's Nest are the best pizza in Beijing (STAY AWAY FROM PIZZA HUT! it's expensive and shitty) {seriously, I was pissed when I had to pay afterwards}
Foodwise, go to Lao Beijing and eat Zha Jiang Mian if you didn't on your previous trips. It's amazing. I'd oay {typo!} $10 for a bowl right now. Also, eat it with garlic, it's surprisingly tasty. {I've gotten into cooking Chinese food lately, if I could somehow make this dish, my life would be complete}
If you like sushi, there's a place in Chaoyang called Hatsune that's expensive by Chinese standards {so basically American prices} but still pretty cheap and tasty.
If you want some American food, Friday's is good {home of all of our birthday celebrations!}and so is Grandma's kitchen {kinda like an IHOP/diner. They also had Dr. Pepper. These things are important}. There are a bunch in the city and it's nice to get away sometimes and eat some non-starch based food {like pancakes!}.
The best duck in the city is at Quanjude. {I will no longer eat Peking duck in America. Absolute shit compared to the real deal, unless someone can prove me otherwise, which would be delightful. There are a couple. It's pricy but having eaten at a few different places, none of them are as good so it's worth the extra cost.
Lastly, if you get a Lonely Planet, be wary of it {I'm still bitter Frank's Place, a supposed hot dog stand, no longer exists. Seriously, fuck you Lonely Planet}. There were a bunch of times we went off looking for a specific place that didn't, in fact, exist anymore, if it ever did. So try and call ahead or get a reference before you go searching for a random place.
Ok this is lengthier than I anticipated but I just got on a roll. I'm sure I'm missing stuff but this looks pretty comprehensive. If you have any questions or whatever let me know. I'm sure you're going to have a ton of fun and maybe if I get my act together and get my ass over there during the summer, we can meet up. Good luck!

And that looks fairly good. I don't think I added anything important but in case someone stumbles across this by accident, I do standby the recomendations I make, just ignore the foul language and snide comments. New post on The Official St. Patty's Day Experience in Beijing coming soon!