The Sorrowful Parting

This post ends the series of my time in Korea, the joyous land where I was delightfully (not so much...) lost for four days and thoroughly enchanted with sights, sounds, and smells. Anyway, I wrote this back in early September but even though it's two months old, nothing in it really needed to be updated, so without further ado part 4!!!:


OK so this post is going to wrap up the Korea talk for now unless I go back (which have been invited back by an enterprising foreign teacher here who claims she can show me around Seoul without any problems. Since she’s Korean, I’m inclined to believe her, but we’ll see...). Anyway, my last day there was the sum of the entire trip, lots of fun couples with lots of frustration. I woke up early and left my bags in the lobby (again). This time I decided to trust them and leave my computer in the lobby since I didn’t feel like lugging it all over the city. Our stop for the day was the National War Museum, which was freaking sweet AND I had a camera with a fully charged battery so I was able to take pictures! (And o did I take pictures. Close to 200 in like 90 minutes. I was camera crazy!!!)

The museum itself was dedicated to the ROK (Republic of Korea- South, as opposed to the DRK- Democratic Republic of Korea, North [in case I hadn’t already gone through that...]) armed forces. It detailed their involvement in liberation from Japan (while the country was still unified), to the Korean War, to their involvement in UN police actions. There was alot of cool equipment and uniforms (there are also pictures of me firing a gun. I’ll get those on Facebook ASAP) from throughout the years. They had a special wing dedicated to the Korean War itself, with a memorial for every country that donated either soldiers or medics. Then they had a bunch of confiscated North Korean weapons, mainly provided by the Soviets, that you could climb into and an exhibit on South Korean munitions suppliers. And in the basement there was a history of Korean military actions and primitive weapons starting several thousand years ago. All in all a cool experience.

After the museum, I hustled back to Insadong to eat one last meal before I needed to go to the airport. I ate some bibimbap, which is rice and vegetables with an egg on top. It was delicious. So up this point, great day. However, it’s about to take a turn for the worse. I planned on getting a cab on the main street, then directing it back to the hotel (which, once again, was in an alley), because my bags were just too heavy for me to carry to the street (to point out how heavy they were, I had a bruise on my shoulder from one of the straps of my big bag because I carried it for too long without taking a rest). My flight was at 6 and I wanted to get to the airport at 3 since it was an international fight to Beijing, which meant leaving Seoul around 2. A little before 130 I went to the Citibank near my hotel to make sure I had enough cash for the cab ride. Of course the doors were locked again. Luckily, I’d given myself extra time so I didn’t stress, I just walked down the street to try and find an ATM. Walking soon turned into frantic wandering because I couldn’t find a global ATM (the situation being exacerbated by the strict no jaywalking laws in Seoul. At one point it took me 3 full minutes to cross a street diagonally because I got caught at both lights. I was furious.). Finally I was able to find an ATM after 35 minutes of wandering. I started walking back towards my hotel, wanting to get a cab as close as possible to a) save money and b) I thought if the cab were close to the hotel, it may have a clue where my hotel was.

I get in a cab, hand him my o shit card, of course he has no freaking clue where it is. I attempt to tell him I want to go to the hotel first, get my bags, then the airport. He has no clue what I'm saying beyond airport. After driving for a minute, he pulls over to talk to a traffic cop, who spoke limited English. I told him the same thing I told the cabbie. This somehow got interpreted as: My hotel is near the airport so drive there now. (Note” the meter is running this whole time). Luckily I knew the cabbie wasn't going in the right direction after talking to the cop so I made him pull over and pointed at the card and kept repeating Insadong (the neighborhood of the hotel). He calls someone to get directions (finally) and we’re able to pick up my bags and get to the airport in a somewhat timely fashion.

Once there, he didn't ask me my airline, he just dropped me off at the terminal. My itinerary said Asiana Airlines, which took me a minute to find. The line was ridiculously long. I waited in it for 40 mins (yea, I timed it...), get to the counter, and of course there's a problem and of course the guy isn't telling me what's wrong. After typing for a minute and frowning the whole time, he left to go talk to someone else and bring her over, all while speaking Korean. Finally, they tell me I'm flying Eastern China Air, and I'm at the wrong counter. They also don't know where Eastern China Air counter is and tell me to ask the immigration desk, which I couldn't find. Great times! So after some wandering (a constant theme...), I finally found it, and waited another 20 minutes in line. At the counter, first the lady tells me my bags are too heavy and I had to pay a fee, so she sends me around the corner to an Asiana Air booth, where I'm charged more than $100 even though from New York to Seoul I wasn’t charged anything (in fact, when I asked the guy at the counter if I went over, he said no, so I turned to my mom and joked that we should’ve tried to cram even more stuff into my bags. He was not amused and told me I barely made the weight limit). I return and she tells me that bag is oversized, so I have to lug it across the terminal again to get to the oversized bag check in. I finally take care of that and go to the bathroom before going through security. Leaving the bathroom, I realized my ticket was no longer in my pocket and I proceeded to freak out. It fell out in the main hallway of the terminal and no one picked it up, or ran up to me to tell me it happened. Luckily it was still there. I went through security and wanted some Western fast food but of course, I was in the new terminal and I had to take a train there, so I decided to get to my gate first, then investigate food options later. I was already impatient and got even more pissed when some old white guy (yes, I do feel the need to point out he was white. All people annoy me equally, not just Koreans) stepped in front of me on the escalator and wouldn’t move out of my way after I made it clear I wanted to walk by him (most escalators in Asia have tape on the middle of the stair: stand to the right if you want a joyride, go on the left if you want to walk). I finally made it to the terminal and there was no Western food. I ate some crappy Chinese dish instead. I was able to use to the internet for free, which was nice, but some reason I chose the mini computer (picture on Facebook), instead of a regular sized one, so my fingers were too big for the keyboard. That was my bad though. I will say my gate was in the new terminal, which is the nicest/cleanest terminal I've ever been in. So Korea has that going for it.

When I got to Beijing (after yet another mini-panic attack on the plane- I’d been getting better with flying but I feel like I’m regressing right now. I’m attributing it to flying over severe storms back in March. That was a scarring experience), more shenanigans ensued. My non-oversized bag was the first one off the baggage claim, which was awesome. After standing there another minute, I see a sign for an oversized baggage claim and figure that's where my other bag will appear (another case where thinking caused me more problems than not). I wait there for about 30 mins, reading a book. The whole time a worker was standing, alternately holding the elevator/doing jack shit. After another 15 mins, I ask her if this is the oversized bag claim, she says yes. After another 15 mins, no bags are coming out of there and it looks like none are on the way. I got kinda nervous since this bag had ALL of my clothes in it, on top of numerous other valuable properties. I decided to walk back to the original baggage claim to see if it was there. Of course somehow the bag got by me as I was standing there and was on the original claim with a few other stragglers. bah.

Next I got to go through customs, which is always fun in China since they always stop me. This time was no exception. The lady pulled me to the side and asked me to open my big bag. She pawed through it for like 20 seconds then asked me if I had any CDs. I told her I did and gave her the case. I got nervous because the DVD case was full, and I had around 20 bootleg Chinese DVDs in there, and she was clearly going to see them. Last thing I wanted was a fine or for my stuff to get confiscated. She flipped through every page of the book (and I mean every page looking at every DVD, it took her over a minute), then put it back and let me go without saying a word. It made absolutely no sense. Why the hell is she looking for DVDs when she does nothing after seeing my bootlegs? Argh China sometimes. Like now in the subway, they moved on from paper ticket to cards, like Boston. However, unlike Boston, if you're buying a single ride card, you can't buy two at once so you don't have to wait in line on the return leg of your journey. No, that would make too much sense. Cards only work at the subway station at which you buy it. I found that out in Beijing when I thought I smartly bought a return ticket when I first got on the subway, only to have it not work at the station on the way home. Anyway, that concludes my Korean adventure. Stay tuned for more Wuxi/random stories throughout my time in Chinaland!

Chinese Cabbies Really Like Trying to Swindle Me

So for those of you who keep up with this here blog or who receive ims/emails from me, you know that cabbies in China are not my friends. They regularly try and screw me over. There was the guy who charged me 30 kuai and two Chinese girls in the back 5 kuai for the same ride. There was the cabbie in Shenzhen (more on this later in the HK/Macau posts), who managed to charge me double the proper fare. And of course, run of the mill cabbies in Wuxi who attempt to take roundabout routes home, even though I can now yell at them when they go the wrong way (nightly cab rides from the same exact departure point can do that).
Well, tonight I was waiting at the bus stop outside school to catch a ride into the city. It was 615, but the bus runs until 636 (or so the sign says). I saw a student and started chatting with her and a friend when a tout came up to us and tried to get us to bite on a ride, but no one felt like paying for a cab when a perfectly good bus was on its way. At first he tried to charge me 30 for my ride, which is a reasonable price, but I tol him I'd rather spend 2 on a bus than 30 on an unnecessary cab, which prompted a chuckle from my student and her friend. He then tried to tell me that there weren't any more buses for the night. I politely told him he was wrong and thought that would be the end of the conversation, but no, he kept on insisting bus service was done. I kindly informed him I ride the bus every night and know it's still running, but apparently he thought he could put one over on the old lao wai. His persistence was admirable, if not also fucking annoying. Luckily my student told him he was wrong and to buzz off. At that moment, the bus also appeared. Needless to say, that asshat got none of my money and will receive none in the future. Douche.

Only in China

So this is just going to be a quick, random post that doesn't really go anywhere or mean anything, but I just felt like sharing an observation with y'all (I've also recently decided I like the word y'all and want to start introducing it in the classroom. What would be funnier than a bunch of Chinese people going around saying y'all in a thick Chinese accent? I honestly can't think of anything). Anyway, so I'm bad with names. Like really bad. I'm bad enough that I've been friends with people whom I had no clue what they were called. It's pretty bad at times. I recognize faces pretty well, but names. Fuck no (which is kinda amazing that I've almost got all my students down. Of course 60 are graduating in a month, but still, I've surprised myself). Anyway, so the phenomenon I wanted to mention is Chinese people looking like American people I know. It's really weird and creepy. One of my students looks exactly like an ex- nu peng you of mine... if only she were from China and not Boston. Today I saw a woman who looks exactly like one of my best friend's older sister... if only she were Chinese. Unfortunately I can't really get pictures of this phenomenon and I'm sure anyone who is reading this automatically assumes I'm crazy, but I swear this happens.

The Day I Almost Wet Myself

So today's tale is about the day I locked myself out of my room and went into full-blown panic mode (kinda like how at the end of X-Mas break last year I was the first one back to the room and managed to forget our room combination over the course of one month. Perhaps I drink too much.). Anyway, I'm trying to get into a regular posting routine to get rid of all my old stuff and start writing new material, so enjoy!


So, as I’m about to embark on my latest Wuxi adventure (though adventure may not a proper title. Misadventure is more like it, and even at that, this could’ve happened anywhere, not just Wuxi, so maybe it’s best just to call it a mishap), I’m channel flipping (China cable, now with one English speaking station!) and I just discovered CSPN. That’s right, the Chinese Sports Programming Network! Just like American ESPN except with more soccer (Manchester is currently playing Bordeaux, with what little I know about soccer, I know this can’t be a Premier League match, so I don’t know why this is happening). I’m not sure if the CSPN name is meant to be a knock off of ESPN or just a coincidence, but it does conjure up memories of Feichang Kele 非常可乐 (that’s Feichang Coke or ‘Very Good Coke’, a Chinese knock-off of regular Coke. Go figure. Same type of bottle and everything, but with the motto ‘the Coke for Chinese made by Chinese’. I’m not sure if that’s an enticing slogan though. Regardless, the taste leaves something to be desired).
Anyway, so today, I locked myself out of my room. Now, I’ve been trying to buy a keychain for the past two or so weeks. When I say ‘try’, I mean that in the sense that it’s me trying to shop for something I need, so I halfheartedly look when I remember I need it, but that doesn’t happen too often. My two best bets were both in Beijing last weekend: one, at the Lama Temple, was interrupted by the fact that I forgot when my plane back to Wuxi took off (I thought it was 6, when that’s actually when the plane landed...). When I remembered it was two hours earlier than I’d been planning, we quickly had to leave before I could souvenir shop or even see the giant Buddha, which was disappointing. The other was at Beijing Airport (quick note: I make fun of Wuxi alot. It’s a mid sized Chinese city and, while it fulfills my meager needs, does leave alot to be desired, especially when compared with a metropolis like Beijing. Wuxi is kinda like Providence, Rhode Island. With lowered expectations, Providence isn’t that bad a place: nice mall, good restaurants, some fun stuff to do/look at. However, if you compare Providence to New York City, it looks like a backwater shit hole. Therefore, if you compare Wuxi to Beijing or Shanghai, it’s bound to suck, but when seen in a vacuum, it ain’t that bad. The reason for this note being that the Wuxi Airport, in all its tiny glory [and I mean tiny, the place has 12 terminals and I’ve been in Wal-Marts bigger than this airport, though it apparently has international flights...] has free wifi. I found out by accident when I pulled out my laptop on a lark, and was elated when I found I could go to Kissing Suzy Kolber and read some dick jokes. Absolutely made my day. When I attempted to do the same at the Beijing Airport [in the new terminal no less!], I couldn’t get online! Those assholes wanted to charge me for wifi! They can go to hell and rot for all I care. Bah!). So of course, I was keychainless, which meant whenever I left my room, I had to grab my key so I could lock the door. You’d think I’d always keep it in the same place so I could quickly grab it as I walked out the door. Of course, that would be logical and I couldn’t possibly do that. Often I’d be running late as I tried to remember where I put the key last. Once I had to leave with my door unlocked because I was going to be late to class if I searched any longer. I always try and make sure I check for my keys though. This Wednesday, as per usual, I woke up a bit late and was scrambling to get to class on time. In my rush out the door, I managed to forget my keys. Luckily I remembered I forgot them; however, I had that moment of brilliance one second after I slammed my locked door behind me. Awesome.
I realized there was nothing I could do so I quickly went to class and tried to forget about it.
After class ended, I set about getting a spare key so I could get myself over the kindergarten class for the day, which begins at 3. It was only 1130 but it takes at least 90 minutes to get there, because I have to transfer buses, and since I’m a fat ass, I always stop at McDonald’s for lunch in between buses. So I immediately call the FAO (Foreign Affairs Secretary Who Shall Not Be Named. Next July there will be a HUGE write-up on him. It’ll make Mel Gibson in Braveheart look like a fucking pussy.) because he should have a spare key. Of course he’s not answering his phone. Everyone knows you can’t answer a cell phone unless it’s plugged into an outlet. Being able to carry a phone to different places so you can be reached conveniently by those looking for you is pure balderdash and I will have none of it! Anyway, so I stop by his office and he’s not there. I was told maybe at 330 he’d be back. Too late for me. So I go to the English office and tell the teacher there who set me up with the kindergarten job I may not be able to go because I was locked out of my room, I had no money, and I didn’t have any of my kindergarten supplies. After a few minutes, she tells me I’m allowed to be late and they could give me some stuff to use with the kids. Great, but I still have no way to get there.
I walk back to the dorm and strike up a conversation with one of the drill soldiers on duty. He feels bad and starts called the FAO to see if he could help. Lo and behold, the FAO answers his phone for him! He must’ve been in a tunnel or something when I was calling. That’s it. Anyway, the 330 time is confirmed so I’m still fucked. I thank the soldier. He offers to let me chill in his room but I told him I couldn’t.
My next move was to knock on one of the Koreans’ door and ask for a hair clip to try and pick the lock. Each of us tried for 15 minutes with two clips, but to no avail, the door was still locked. She felt bad so she gave me some food for lunch and lent me 100 kuai so I could get around for the day. Absolutely awesome of her. It’s 130 at this point so I start on my merry way. I manage to catch a bus immediately (yay for luck! and it wasn’t even grossly overcrowded!) and get to the train station on time to eat some McDonald’s (I know you all were worried...). I got the kindergarten on time, ran class (with that little girl still bawling her eyes out whenever she saw me. She’s finally gotten over that though, only took 5 weeks), and was informed that the FAO got back at 430 (late?! No! Never!) and handed over my key to my Korean friend, which was promptly given to me at dinner that night. Good times. So that’s my lost key tale. I did finally manage to get a keychain when I was in HK (blog post on that trip coming up, plus the exciting conclusion of Korea!), plus mom and dad sent one over. So now I have two and my ass jingles whenever I walk. No it’s not overkill.

DMZ is the place to be!!!!

Still no internet but I have such a backlog of posts right now that it's ridiculous. I can never complain that life is boring here. So much weird shit happens on a daily basis that it's unbelievable. Say what you will about the Chinese, but they are excellent writing fodder.

Ok I’m going to continue with my Korean adventure and tie up this loose end (by the way, this is a momentous occasion in the history of this blog: I’m actually going to finish a story that I promised to tell. I don’t think this has ever happened before. I know I’ve been promising a Spring Break 2007 story for a year now. I only wrote half of the St. Patty’s Day post. I never finished my series Mass Turnpike Memorial posts, yet here I am finishing up on Korea. I’m patting myself on the back right now [which is making typing rather hard...]). Anyway, we left off after a rather uninspiring day two where I saw a bunch of cool stuff... and was able to document none of it owing to my lack of a functioning camera. Bad times. :-( (yea, I just typed an emoticon, what are you going to do about it?).

However, at the beginning of Day 3 (TGIF!), things were looking up. I had an extra bounce in my step that morning because my long awaited (and much derided) trip to the DMZ. I woke up extra early (like 630...) because I was told I was going to be picked up in my hotel lobby at 715. I woke up and quickly went outside to go to the ATM to make sure I had enough money for the day and to get something to eat. I step outside and it’s raining. Of course I’m not wearing my raincoat so I got soaked. I walked across the street to the Citibank (one of the few global ATM locations in Seoul) to withdraw money. Unfortunately, it wouldn't accept my card, even though it's a global ATM. I was a little worried but decided to walk down the street to see if there was another ATM and because on this street was a stand that sold hotteok (kinda like a toasted piece of pita bread made with cinnamony goodness. ABsolutely delicious). Unfortunately, the stand didn’t open until 8 so I was wet, breakfastless, and a tad cash strapped since there were no other ATMs on that street. I was kinda pissed at this point since it just kinda seemed like everything was lining up against me (which is rare since I feel like I often have good luck *knock on wood*). I walked back to the hotel and decided to try the Citibank again since I couldn’t find another ATM. The doors were magically unlocked! I got some cash then went across the street to McDonald’s to indulge myself in a Sausage McMuffin with Egg since I knew the tour did not include lunch. At this point it was 710 so I ran back to the hotel and quickly up to my room to change out of my wet clothes and get my raincoat. I got back to the lobby just at 715 and sat down with my food and some reading material.

After finishing the food and reading for a bit, I looked up and realized it was 730. Either they were late or I’d somehow missed the tour (which would’ve led to a homicidal rampage). I started getting really antsy around 735, not to mention pissed that I unnecessarily woke up so early. Finally at 745 someone entered the lobby and asked me if I was going on the DMZ Tour. She was lucky she looked almost like Sun from Lost otherwise I probably would’ve snapped at her. Anyway, I entered the tour van. The other people on the tour were a Chinese Malaysian couple and an older American couple from Nebraska with their son, who was stationed at one of the bases in Korea. The mother was a moron. She wouldn't shut up, and didn't seem to understand any type of cultural difference. When talking about dialects, specifically relating to China and Korea, and how it's nearly impossible to understand different dialects, she tried to claim to that Boston people pronouncing car 'cah' was on the same level. I wanted to slap her and, in retrospect, probably should have.

The DMZ was one of the coolest things I've ever done. When they dropped us off, I FINALLY found a souvenir shop with disposable cameras. $20 later, I had two cameras. Thank you Korea for finally accepting my dirty American money. Anyway, back to the relevant topic, tours at the DMZ have to consolidate into larger groups so they can be more easily controlled. In that same vein, there are rules on time limits in certain spots and on where and when you can pictures. You also have to pass through a security checkpoint to enter and there are men with machine guns everywhere. It's probably best I didn't have a working digital camera with me, because I definitely would've broken those rules and incurred the wrath of a soldier...

They showed us a short movie and exhibit before we descended into one of the tunnels the North Koreans burrowed. We walked a steep incline down, then we were allowed to walk like 400m in the tunnel and were actually under the DMZ. It was really cool. The tunnel itself was dark and damp, the rain was making water drip all over the place. We were required to wear hard hat helmets because the roof was very low (I guess North Korean soldiers aren’t very tall) and people kept hitting their heads on the ceiling supports (even me! I felt tall for 15 minutes!). In the tunnel itself, I got yelled at for trying to walk into a restricted area. There weren’t signs (in English at least...) and it looked well lit, so I thought I could go that way even though everyone else was walking in the other direction. I was wrong. Back on the right path, we saw the 3rd line of defense if the North Koreans ever decided to rush the tunnel. It was a bunch of wooden boards and barbed wire. Apparently there are two more even more highly secured lines of defense further along. I hung back and tried to see through a hole in the boards. It was kinda creepy being alone in the tunnel that far into the DMZ. After getting back to the surface, I got my picture taken next to a land mine! Unfortunately it’s on the disposable, so I’ll need to find a way to get that online. It’s probably not as cool as it sounds, but I think the picture is awesome. We were herded back onto the buses and went to the lookout point. Unfortunately it was rainy, but I did get to see into North Korea, including looking at a guard post that was trained on where we were standing! I may have even had a gun pionted at me! You could see the 3rd largest city in North Korea in the distance (can’t remember the name), the deserted North Korean village in the DMZ itself, and the largest state flag pole in the world, belonging to the North Koreans. As I already explained, we weren't allowed to go to the South Korean village inside the DMZ nor the Joint Security Area; apparently there was an incident last month so it's closed. Hearing the South Koreans talk about the North, they're really bitter about the split and blame the US/USSR for it, but at the same time, they're heavily anti-North Korean government. Anyway, it was awesome. I wholeheartedly recommend it for anyone.

The last stop on the tour was the train station that links the North and South. One train runs daily, though they hope eventually the line will run to Seoul and the station will be bustling. Now it’s just a random tourist stop. Very clean though.

After returning to Seoul, I went to an electronics market to finally buy a new battery (the one that the girl recommended the night before). The process started poorly. Apparently I couldn't bargain there, and I didn't understand the sales guy. He was trying to chrage me 60,000 won (about $60US) for a camera battery, which I thought was ridiculous, especially when I thought he was saying it only cost him 3000 won to buy. I wanted to pay him 10,000 won, which was still overpriced, but I was willing to let it go to get what I wanted. He refused to sell it to me. I was getting pissed off again since he wouldn’t let me bargain and I thought he was being an ass. I was about to leave and so exasperated that I asked him in Chinese if he spoke Chinese. He looked at me weirdly, so I asked again. He said he is Chinese and how do I know Chinese. Immediately happy times ensued and we had a conversation in Mandarin (college wasn’t a waste of time! HUZZAH!). I remember alot more than I thought I did. I understood 95% of what he was saying and he knew everything I was saying. I finally bought a charger and not a battery (since the battery wasn’t charged out of the package, there was no reason to buy a battery for 60,000 won and a charger for 30,000 won when I already had a dead battery that could be charged, so I saved myself $30US in the process). I ate some dumpling soup (a Korean speciality) for lunch then came back to my room and put the battery the wrong way in the charger so it wound up not charging...

That night I was tired but realized it was my last night in Korea so I went to Itaewon, the foreigner district. I was unimpressed. It was early (like 730)and rainy, but I thought it was boring, so I got myself a shirt and left quickly. I had no interest in spending time with foreigners and the market there was nowhere near as good as the Silk Market. Most of the stuff they were selling was crap. I ate some dumplings and wound up at a jazz bar, which was a ton of fun, though kinda pricy (thanks Lonely Planet for sending me to a place where I spent twice as much as I’d anticipated!).

So I think I’ve gone on long enough for this post. There will be ONE more installment of my Korean adventure coming soon! It’ll include my last half day in Seoul (with more linguistic confusion and me on suicide watch!), and my travails in the airports of two different countries (i.e. Beijing Capital fucks me with me again!).

Only in China

So this is a new segment entitled “Only in China” where I’ll describe (and hopefully provide a photo) of something that normally doesn’t happen in America, just so people can get a taste of how things are different here. The first post is going to be a double since I don’t have pictures for either of these events. The first event being, imagine a police motorcycle. I bet you see an officer cruising down the street, weaving in and out of traffic. Imagine the officer is a male. Now imagine a second officer, also a male, riding the same bike. Except there’s no restraint for the back seat, so he’s holding onto the officer who’s driving like they’re dating. Weird and a tad on the tongzhi (look it up) side if you ask me....

The second part of this post is also pictureless. I was complimented the other day because I have big eyes. Not the color, or the way the light hit them, but simply because they were big. I had absolutely no response for that.

As a quick update to the 2nd part, since I've now been here two full months, getting compliments on the size of my eyes is a regular occurrence here, to the point were I now just accept it. I have big, wide Western eyes, and Chinese people love them. I also draw attention to them by constantly keeping them wide open. Maybe I'm just an attention whore. Who knows.

Korea Part 2 i.e. Why the Chinese Are Better Capitalists than the Koreans!!!

So there is obviously a giant back log of material for this blog. I have up to 10 additional posts already written and ready to go, with no real outlet for them (Thank you Wuxi South Ocean College for being too cheap to purchase internet that I can use with an Apple Computer! Seriously! Duo xie!). Anyway, its been a busy time for me. I'm attempting to apply to law school, which is going horribly. We'll see where I wind up with that one. On top of that, I have douchebag students who continually find new ways to piss me off. Yesterday I was compared to Iron Man. In that we're both boring. Awesome. That class is never watching a movie again... Anyway, we're going to continue the series of Korean posts. This is part two of a very special four part series, where, once again I'm hopelessly lost in Seoul, with no aid or ability to find my way.




Ok so we last left off at the end of my first day in Korea, so now we shall proceed in logical order to the second day. Of course I woke up late, as I’m prone to do almost every day of my life. I’d wanted to wake up around 8, get a quick breakfast, then get to the National Museum of Korea as soon as it opened. I didn’t move until 10. The only advantage in sleeping that late was that it gave me about 16 hours of sleep in less than 24 hours, which officially got me over my jet lag within a day of being in Asia (huzzah for messed up sleeping schedules!). I quickly showered and left the hotel, getting to the National Museum a little before 1130 after a pleasant subway ride (I became the master of the Korean subway while I was there. In only 3.5 days I rode more than half the lines and could easily navigate the city). Now, the National Museum is freaking massive. It has two wings, the normal wing, and a special exhibition hall and children’s museum on the other side, with an open air atrium in the middle that has a picturesque view of the Seoul Tower in the middle. It’s also a history nerd’s dream building.

Anyway, I decided against the special exhibit (on the kingdom of persia) because of time constraints, so it was off to the normal Asian stuff for me! I started on the 3rd (of 3) floor which was Asian arts. Half the floor was Korean stuff, the other half Vietnam, China, India, Central Asia, and Japan. Alot of the exhibit was really cool, I really liked the Vietnam section; (nerd alert!) I took a class on Vietnamese History/Culture freshman year and it was my first chance to see real Vietnamese art and stuff kinda tied in to what I learned. Anyway, the Japanese part was the last section of the 3rd floor and I could see my camera battery dying. I walk into the room and see a sweet scroll (this room had the only things of worth Japan has ever produced) and of course my camera died as soon as I pushed the photo button. So my plan to make it through the museum on my battery and replace it afterward had officially failed.

I looked in the museum shop on the 3rd floor and there was no camera stuff in there (of course) so I proceeded to the 2nd floor which was even cooler than the 3rd. There was some awesome calligraphy and paintings, and on the other half they had galleries of stuff from private collectors mostly Korean guys but there were some Japanese in there as well (in an attempt to foster good relations between the two countries because, you know, nothing like donating some rare artwork to make up for around 50 years of brutal colonization. I’d say they’re even now). One guy had donated a ton of stuff from Myanmar, which was really cool looking; everything had a reddish tinge. I'd never seen Myanmar art before (or, for that matter, anything from Myanmar [also, I always forget, between Burma and Myanmar, which is the British slave name and which is the indigenous name? I used to know this and now can’t remember...]) and was really disappointed about the camera. I went to the 1st floor, and in the shop there, also no camera stuff, so I had to go through that floor cameraless. (At this point I should also mention that I was starving. It was around 1230 and I had yet to eat anything that day. The museum had a cafe which served weird sandwiches [Korea is obsessed with sandwiches and coffee. You can’t walk half a block without seeing a coffee shop or a sandwich shop. Quizno’s abound!] and a cafeteria whose menu I couldn’t read). Half of the floor had an exhibit on Korean civilization from the Paleolithic Age until the Joseon Dynasty that ended in 1910. I rushed through that section (and most of the museum) because I didn't have a camera, and I was running out of time to see the whole museum and get across the city to my 2nd museum. That section was also full of kids who kept walking in my way (I swear Koreans pay no heed to anything or anyone while they're walking. They don't jaywalk. Ever. It's weird; they will wait with no cars coming until the walk sign comes on, but everyone will walk into you if you're in their way). The other half was even tougher to not take pictures of: they had an exhibit on Korean script from its inception through bookmaking, up to today, then they had a section on mapmaking, then they had a section on the origins of the Korean flag. I was legitimately dying and so pissed I couldn't take a single picture.


Leaving the museum, I passed through two more shops. No batteries, and even worse, no disposable cameras, so I legitimately had no options for photography. I stopped at a convenience store outside to get a Pepsi (for some reason it costs less than Coke but is twice as delicious!) and a Capri Sun (for the nutritional value). I got stares from kids while I was drinking the Capri Sun.

At this point it's 1 and I haven't eaten anything all day. The museum cafe had no food I could recognize so I wouldn't eat there (as I already mentioned), the convenience store smelled like Spaghetti-O's (because they're obsessed with Italian food here and someone was cooking microwave spaghetti in the oven) and there were no restaurants around the museum (a recurring them of the trip is that there is alot of everything here, but whenever you need something specific, it's nowhere to be found). So I took the subway to Seoul Station and got off to go to the market where I bought a traveler’s adaptor the day before. They didn't sell the specific battery for my camera, or any Sony products for that matter (I originally thought they didn’t sell any Japanese products as a way to slap them in the face. I was wrong, they just didn’t sell Sony stuff). There was another department store across the street. They didn't sell cameras. At this point it's past 2, when I'm supposed to be at the next museum, I'm tired, hungry, and pissed off. All I wanted was McDonald's (good ol’ American comfort food!). There wasn't one in sight. I settle for Burger King, but realize I can't get a Whopper, because I can't tell them no mayo or onions. I wound up settling for chicken sandwich and sucking it up and eating the mayo, since there wasn't another option. The BK was meh. I’ve had better and of course I sat in the corner so people wouldn’t look at me the whole time. There was an old couple that was absolutely devouring this massive sundae they sell there. I wish I could’ve taken a picture of it because they were absolutely going to town on it. Alas.

After I got some food in my system, it was off to Seodaemun Prison! I was pumped for the prison and decided I would look for a camera store around the prison, which wouldn't be a problem because it's a big tourist attraction (it was built by the Japanese in 1908 and was used to house political dissidents. They tortured and killed a bunch of people there. Then after liberation, the South Korean government, back in its oppressive days, used it for the same purposes. Yet another example of my useless knowledge that will get my nowhere in life). I got off the subway, bought my ticket for the prison, and saw no souvenir shops. I didn't consider it a big deal and walked back to the street. It's a crowded street so I didn't think I'd have an issue finding a photo shop. Of course I was wrong. Tons of shops. No film. No disposable cameras. I was fairly close to livid at this point (another them from this Asian trip in general [since I’m writing this whilst in China] is that even when I want to spend money, and am willing to pay a premium price to ensure that I can buy the exact thing I want/need, no one is available to give my money to. It’s unbelievable. In America that would never happen, but here it’s like no one wants my money.). I couldn't believe there was nowhere to buy a camera. I would have gladly paid an exorbinant fee for a disposable just so I could get some pics, but nope. No one wanted my money. I entered the prison cameraless and started to walk around. As is the case with most attractions here, there's Korean script, Chinese script, then a tiny English description on SOME of the placards. Luckily alot of stuff there looked cool, so it didn't matter if I didn't know exactly what things were. Whilst in the main hall, there's set of stairs that go down, and a white woman (I can spot them in a crowd here, they're so rare) was a few steps ahead of me and about to go down. A man stopped her and said something in Korean. She had no clue what he meant. So he looked at me, pointed at her, and said 'pregnant' then something else. I looked at him and repeated 'pregnant?' he said yes and pointed at her. I said I didn't understand. He calls over a young girl who worked there and spoke English (and had previously asked me if I wanted a tour guide, which I politely declined), and she told the woman if she was pregnant, she couldn't go downstairs. She wasn't. I don't think he meant it as an insult, just a warning, but she, like most other women, did not like the suggestion that she was prego. The warning was because downstairs were wax figures acting out various scenes of torture the Japanese did to Koreans. It was kinda weird. Once again, I wish I’d had a camera to document that, because seeing wax figures pluck off finger nails and whip each other is something I would like to share with the world. After a few minutes of awkwardly walking near each other, we eventually struck up a conversation (and by we, I mean she struck up the conversation since I’m socially inept). She was French and with her bf, but he had no interest in the prison so she was alone. It was nice to talk to someone in English (even if she was French, she was a pleasant person). It was the most I'd spoken since I got here and it helped cool me down. Anyway, back to the prison, we got to walk through the actual buildings with cells and even go into some of the cells (both regular and solitary). We saw the quarantine building, the building where they put on mock trials so they could kill people accused of crimes against the state, the actual killing building and trap door the used to take out bodies and carry them away from the grounds. Cool stuff. Anyway, it would up that our hotels were in the same area so we took the subway together to Insadong then said goodbye.

Once at the hotel, I checked my email and saw the original DMZ tour I’d arranged for the next day had fallen through. The company was doing tours, but the one that I wanted to go on (the DMZ in addition to the JOint Security Area [which would’ve let me enter North Korea] and the Korean village inside the DMZ [Panjaemum?]) wasn’t being run because apparently there was an incident a few weeks before (and now that South Korea just accused the North of restarting their nuke program, I wonder if any tours are running). Luckily they still had the regular half day DMZ tour so I signed up for that. My original pick up time was supposed to be 745, but the lady called 5 minutes later and asked to switch it to 715, which I said was fine.

After the DMZ business was taken care of, I began to plan my night. In my Lonely Planet guide, it said there is a photo store in Hongik (another neighborhood with no street signs...) that would take care of all my digital photo needs, which I interpreted to mean they'd have batteries, then I was going to an outdoor market where there was supposed to be a good duck restaurant. I took the long way to the subway, hoping to find a photo store, which turned into me wandering for an hour in alleys and underground markets to no avail and just getting frustrated further. Huzzah for wanting to strangle people! I finally hopped on the train at around 7ish. it took me close to 45 mins to get to Hongik because of the line change. When I got there, I realized I had no clue where I was going so I just started walking in a random direction. After 5 mins of wandering, I looked up and saw a Kodak Photo Store, which immediately excited me. Of course, they wanted my memory card to print up pictures for me, they didn't sell batteries. I got annoyed again and started wandering around the area. It was near a college and there were alot of young people around, who were just getting in my way. I wandered around the area for another 45 mins or so, hoping to find another camera store. There was one, and they also didn't sell batteries.

I dejectedly hopped back on the train and went to the other market place, very conspicuously reading my tour book (at that point I'd given up all hope of not looking like a tourist, what with my white skin, non-slanted eyes, and always being lost--- tonight I saw some lady blatantly laugh at me as I stopped in the middle of the road, clearly not knowing where I was going). When I got off the stop, I noticed another white girl, this one around our age. She came up to me, asking how my sightseeing was going. I told her I was miserable. Apparently she's an English teacher here, so we chatted for a bit and she gave me a good suggestion for a battery (though it was already closed). I wanted to ask her to eat dinner with me in exchange for the help, plus she was someone to speak English to, but she was unfortunately meeting a friend.

I then wandered around this market for the next hour. I found a great camera store but my battery was sold out. Then I found a Sony store, but it closed 15 mins before I got there. I gave up on the battery and tried to find the restaurant... and failed... again. The Lonely Planet book can only do so much when there aren’t street names. I went where I thought it was supposed to be, but in reality I had no clue and was just guessing. I finally gave up on finding that restaurant and just walked to the nearest restaurant with people. I wanted dumplings, they didn't sell them, so I had some BBQ beef instead. After the meal, I thought I saw where the restaurant should've been, but it wasn't there. I walked back to the hotel annoyed and tired from all my walking (I walked for close to 3 hours just looking for a battery).

Now before I end this post, I’ll explain the title. If I had been in China and needed a camera battery, around every single tourist spot there would be several stores that would sell camera supplies, and even if they didn’t sell my battery, I’d at least be able to buy an overpriced disposable camera. I even took some pictures to this effect while I was in Beijing. Around Tiananmen Square there are at least 10 stores that sell camera equipment. Inside the Forbidden City there are at least 10 different kiosks/stores that sell camera stuff and that is a communist country. South Korea, which is supposed to be capitalist (and kinda has been for a few decades), had absolutely nothing and little help for tourists. The gift shops in most museums were small and had little to nothing of value. Argh.

Addendum to the Previous Post

So I apologize but as a quick note, the post below looks kinda weird because Blogger (i.e. me) seems to be having formatting problems so I can't get the post to look like it normally does. Hopefully this is only a temporary problem.

Korea Part I

So I apologize for my long ass absence from the blogging scene. Things like not having internet for a month really have a way of putting a kink in my blogging schedule. As most of you know, I'm not really great at prioritizing my time, so when I have internet, instead of updating here or sending out emails, I frequently waste time reading blogs. Anyway, I wrote this post a few weeks ago and it is the first update of my time in Korea. As per usual, I didn't really edit this thing down, so it's a biggie, but I feel like if you're here reading this, you already know what to expect. Rumor has it internet will finally be working this week (which I wholeheartedly do NOT believe), so maybe posts will start becoming more frequent so I can update everyone on Wuxi life. Without further ado, here Korea Part I:

Ok so it’s time for another exciting blog post!!! I wasn’t allowed to leave my room today because I was told someone was going to stop by the fix the internet that had been working flawlessly until today and possibly the AC as well. Of course, no one showed up and I sat in my room all day for the 2nd day in a row! WOOHOOOO!!!! Anyway, we’re going to take a break China and Wuxiness to talk about Korea (because I know hearing about my trip there will be the highlight of everyone’s week). As you can tell from the title of this post, all was not chipper in Korealand which is somewhat of a recurring theme of my trip there.

To begin, one of the reasons why I went is that I need to have a layover somewhere and since I’d never been to Seoul it seemed like a cool place to go. I also (incorrectly) assumed that alot of people there would speak a passable English, you know what with American troops being on their soil for the past 50 or so years and Seoul being a city of around 10 million people. Let’s just say Ume was made a complete ass of through my assumption. Most people barely spoke any English and I only learned three words of Korean (‘hello’ ‘thank you’ and ‘yes’, which I guess would’ve been sufficient if I’d gone searching for a lady or the night, but not much else). M

ost of my communication with people came in from of puzzled looks, and me pointing at things. Great times.

The flight to Korea could’ve been worse. I got an aisle seat in the last row of the plane, but I had no one sitting next to me, which was AWESOME. I got to stretch out a bit and relax. Unfortunately, I had a hard time working the console system in front of me. However, I was able to watch the majority of Iron Man, Kung Fu Panda, and some other movies. Mst importantly, I was able to watch ALL of Step Up 2: The Streets. I’m not sure if I liked that or the first o

ne better. SOme of the dancing scenes seemed kinda forced, which was unfortunate. Look for that on most critics Best of... lists at the end of the year. Turbulence was minimal until the end, when I almost shat myself as we flew over Russia. Not good times at all. We got in around the same time as a plane from Ulan Batar so we got to share our baggage claim with the damn Mongols. Unfortunately the Great Wall doesn’t extend far enough north to protect Korea... After catching a cab into the city with a doctored meter (huzzah for paying twice the suggested price for a ride into Seoul!), I got the my hotel at 6am and woke up the front desk person.... who proceeded to speak no English. Through gestures and grunts, I find out I can’t check in until the afternoon. I ask if I can leave my mountainous bags at the hotel, he says yes. Then we just stand there looking at each other for a minute. So I ask him agai

n, and he says yes, then points behind me to the wall in the lobby. Apparently that’s where I was supposed to leave my bags. So I took my laptop out of its case and out it in my backpack, then went out to wand

er, which would become a theme of the trip. After a stop in an internet cafe and three hours of wandering, I was hungry, but too scared to enter a Korean restaurant, so I ate at McDonald’s for breakfast (somehow I lucked into picking a hotel that had a 24/7 McDonald’s a one minute walk away... awesome!).

I finally decided to go to a museum and wound up at a former imperial palace of Korea called Gyeongbokgung (kinda a mouthful...). It was pretty sweet. They had a bunch of old Korean artifacts and such, including the first two cars in Korea. I’m not sure if I was supposed to be taking pictures in there, but I hid my camera well enough so I didn’t get in trouble. Even if I’d been kicked out, admission was free!!! It’s the 60th anniversary of the founding of the Republic of Korea (ROK, not to be confused with DPRK, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea), so a bunch of places weren’t charging admission. After walking around the palace grounds

 for awhile and seeing a changing of the guard ceremony, I left and went to find some lunch.

My hotel was in the Insadong neighborhood, so I walked around there looking for a suitable place to eat. This is the first incident of me getting severely lost. Only major streets and some alleys have names in Seoul. Unfortunately, most of the city consists of small neighborhoods with small alleys, so it was nearly impossible to navigate. I had a Lonely Planet travel guide with me, but it could only do so much and admitted such. After trying in vain for 30 minutes to find a sp

ecific restaurant, I just started walking down alleys, looking for a place with pictures and perhaps an English language menu. I finally got tired of that (once again I was being a little bitch and was too scared to enter a freaking restaurant) and entered a busy place. They say me and I ordered sam gyup sal, a fatty pork dish that was recommended by one Mustaffa. It was absolutely delicious.

As you can see from that photo, ordering one dish also brought out six side dishes. In Korea, apparently no one eats alone in restaurants (except for me...), so I felt like a douche for the whole trip because I’d have so much food on my table but could barely eat half of it. So after shoving as much food into my face as possible, I paid and left (at this point I’d like to talk about currency. A quick and dirty way to convert is that 1000 won is about $1 US, which made things easier. However, they don’t have anything above a 10,000 won bill, so you have to carry a stack of money wherever you go, since while Seoul isn’t quite as expensive as Tokyo, it also isn’t really cheap). I decided to go back to my hotel and check in, before going to my next stop on the day: the Seodaemun Prison! They let me check in after making a copy of my passport (which is apparently illegal. I didn’t know that. I personally made three before I left the country in case something happens [which is a good thing-- the school currently has mine and then the PSB will need it for a week to process my reside

nce permit....], and there have been innumerable copies made by people in Korea and China. Hopefully there will be no fake me’s running around, but we’ll see). So I got up to my room turned on some Olympic baseball and figured I had like 45 minutes before I left the room, which meant it was nap time!!! For those of you whom I talked to before leaving, you already know about my 15 minute nap on the floor which turned into 2 hours sleeping on the floor, even though there were comfy chairs literally inches away from me. So, I have a tendency to sleep. This 45 minute nap turned into 5 and a half hours. oops. 

At this point I was scrambling because I didn’t want to waste the day. SO i quickly showered and left the room so I could go to the Seoul Tower before it closed, to get a nice view of Seoul at night, then I’d eat some dinner. I got off the train at Seoul Station and started walking in the general direction of the tower because, of course, I didn’t want to take a cab because I couldn’t communicate, and I didn’t know if a bus went up there. The Seoul Tower is the highest point in Seoul, so you’d think it’d be easy to find. That assumption would make you wrong. Like me. After walking close to an hour uphill, and still nowhere near the tower (and on a dark, deserted street at like 10pm, I decided to call it a night and turn around so I could grab some food then head back to the hotel. Of course, I’m nowhere near a restaurant at this point. I had to walk all the way back to the station, but then I got confused and went on a train heading the

 wrong direction (this is also the subway ride where I walked on the train and three conversations in my general vicinity just stopped so people could stare at me. I thought foreigners were alot more common in Seoul than they apparently are. I can’t count how many blatant stares I got from people. It’s seriously a homogenous society). I had to get off at the next station when I realized I was going the wrong way, then get back on the train. I got off at Jonggak Station and got lost leaving (this was before I realized all the exits were numbered and pointed in specific directions depending on where you wanted to go. I just left at the first exit and had no clue where I was). I entered a neighborhood with a bunch of bright lights, hoping to find a decent place to eat. There were alot of bars and young people around, and after wandering for a good 20 minutes I stumbled upon BBQ Chicken, another Mustaffa recommendation!!! I walked in and was handed a menu completely in Korean which I couldn’t read. Awesome. So after a few minutes of struggling, a water came over. She didn’t speak English but she helped me, and I was able to order fried chicken and a beer. Of course, I ordered a whole fired chicken (pictured below), which I of course could not finish. It was awfully tasty though!

Anyway, I finally figured out where I was and stumbled back to my room for the night. I noticed my camera was starting to run low on battery, so I looked in my colossal bags for my charger which is how I found out I packed the wrong camera charger. Instead of taking the correct one, I took the charger from my old camera. That I lost. Last Year. In China. I figured I could last half of the next day (while I’d be at the National Museum of Korea), then replace the battery on my way to Seodaumun Prison. Lo and behold, I was wrong. Stay tuned for the next installment of my Korean adventure entitled “Why the Chinese Are Better Capitalists Than the South Koreans”! Coming Soon!

P.S. I’ve officially set a new record for posts in a year! Huzzah! And either China has blocked Blogger or my interweb has gone out again!

Update

Ok, so in case people are looking here for some news, I apologize I haven't been online at all lately. However, I have been keeping up in writing for this here blog. I have 10, count 'em 10! posts already written and ready to go. My whole Korean adventure has been chronicled, I have some Wuxi stories, some stuff from Beijing, and a whole new segment entitled "Only in China" where I will write some quick posts (hopefully with pics!) about random shit that only really happens here. I hope to start posting again within the week so stay tuned!

My First Day in Wuxi: Cow Stomach, Chinese Bureaucracy and a Very Special Ultrasound

So this will officially be my second post within a day. While I don't think I'm going to keep up this frenetic pace (I've officially tied the number of posts I made all of last year with 4 months left in the year! ... just ignore the part where I lost y password for 5 months, preventing me from logging in), I legitimately have nothing to do. Like seriously, I've spent more time online (I'm grateful this signal is holding out), than doing anything else since I arrived. Tomorrow I have nothing planned and nothing to do. Maybe I'll wander into the city. Who knows? The world is my oyster!

Anyway, it's time to talk about China and Chinese people. I am a wai guo ren. No matter how much I try to pretend I'm Asian, I'm not and nothing is really going to change that unless I opt for a radical surgical procedure on par with turning me into a woman. I'm a white boy and will always be so. However, I've spent a decent amount of time here and know the language fairly well. I'm not fluent by any chance, but I have a basic grasp of Mandarin (or I'd like to think that...). Anyway, Chinese people see that I'm white, and assume I don't know Chinese. I can't count how many times I get bemused looks when I say hello or thank you in their language because they think I'm trying to be cute. The purpose of that long introduction is that since people assume I don't know Chinese, they frequently talk about me in front of me, assuming I don't know what they're saying. Sometimes I like to feed this (I pretended I knew no Chinese for an hour after I was picked up at the airport yesterday because I wanted to see if the school people were talking about me; they didn't), because I think it's funnier for me to trick them than to let them know. This came up today as I was registering at the local police station (a requirement here in the communist paradise and is actually a two part procedure: registration and a permit application). The policewoman, who seemed awfully nice, started talking to the foreign affairs secretary of my school, asking some general questions about me, not in an official capacity, she was just curious and shooting the shit as my papers were processed. She asked if I knew any Chinese, and was met with the answer that I know a little. She then inquired as to what I was doing and he told her I'm an English teacher. She then laughed and wanted to know how I'm supposed to teach beginners English to a class of Chinese kids when I don't understand Chinese. Little did she know I was eavesdropping the whole time! I just kept a blank look on my face as they chatted, then said thank you and goodbye in very cheery Chinese as I left the office, which she seemed to find adorable.

We continued on our travels on the foreign affairs secretary's (Mr. Wang is his name and he will now be referred to as such) electric scooter, a first for me. I was scared shitless at first since I was riding on the back without any type of restraining device and nowhere to put my feet (which frequently scraped the ground). It wound up being a cool ride; this place reminds alot of Florida for some reason. Before the afternoon smog rolls in (unless the really cloudy and hazy atmosphere has occurred by random chance two days in a row..), it looks really nice here and is legitimately green. It's cool, and the humid weather also applies to the Florida analogy. Anyway, after dropping me off, I decided to go to the store to get some supplies to set up my apartment since aside from sheets and a bed mat, they gave me nothing, not even TP. So I had to pick up some water and soda, hangars, cleaning supplies, and, of course fangbian mian (Chinese ramen, like the American stuff but on steroids). Walking into the store, I couldn't find a basket to hold my innumerable supplies, so in typical me fashion, instead of asking a shop keep for something to hold my shit, I just decide I can balance it all. I manage to pick up two bottles of soda, two bowls of noodles, a tupperware container, a plastic cup, and a pack of sponges before I dropped everything. Someone came over immediately, took all the stuff out of my hands and gave me a basket. Quite helpful. Anyway, after buying three completely full bags of stuff (and spending less than $20 to set myself up- I love China), I decided to go to the restaurant next door for some food.

There are five cafeterias on campus, but I was too nervous to go in them because I didn't want to be stared at (a common occurrence here since I'm the only white person I've seen in this town though supposedly there are more--- as a quick aside, I wore my Holy Cross shirt with the Chinese writing on the front and people were fascinated by it in Beijing, Shanghai, and Wuxi. I didn't understand why it was so enthralling but it elicited constant stares). Anyway, of course I entered the restaurant and was stared at. Awesome. I sat down and was handed a menu I couldn't read. I never really learned how to read food items, I just memorized the names of good dishes. All I wanted was some dumplings. This wasn't me pre-ordering my food like I did in Korea (I'll probably write about that tomorrow since I'll have nothing else to do when everyone back home is sleeping and I'm at my computer); I just wanted some fucking dumplings. I'm in love with them.

So once again, my Chinese isn't great, but it's decent. I know my pronunciation isn't bad, but usually people can understand me within the context of the conversation. I ask the waitress for some dumplings. They either don't have them or she didn't understand me. Then she rattled off some crazy Chinese at me which went straight over my head. I didn't even get one word. Even after asking her to repeat herself, I still didn't understand her; I think she was talking about the type of food they served at the restaurant but it meant nothing to me. Then I tried to order some kung-pao chicken, another tasty, reliable dish we ate in Beijing all the time. They didn't have that either. They also apparently didn't have noodles, or I fucked that one up also, I really don't know. I didn't know what to eat, and I think the lady asked me if I like spicy food (... I think that's what she said...). I said yes, I like spicy food and then she said something, I think it was the name of a dish. At this point I was somewhat exasperated and hungry (and pressed for time since I had my physical at 1pm), so I told her I'd eat whatever she was saying. I was presented with this:

(by the way, if I did that correctly and actually uploaded the photo [and I make no promises there], then I also found a way to put up songs on here, which is awesome).

I was somewhat concerned by the dish since nothing in it looked recognizable. I found out the twisty things were crunchy and tasty with a mouthful of rice, but the other stuff was unrecognizable. After some trepidation, I decided to give it a taste. A little chewy, but tasty, once again with a mouthful of rice. While I wasn't shoveling it into my mouth, I was making a pretty good pace with it. The waitress walked by and I asked here what I was eating. She moves her hands to the top of her head to make ears, says 'moo', then says duzi (that's Chinese for 'stomach'); using my powers of deduction, I realized I was eating cow stomach. Phenomenal. I guess this is real Chinese life. I ate probably half the plate or so (I was full at that point but got hungry 3 hours later) and paid and left because I had a doctor's appointment at 1!

So after the drive to the hospital through Wuxi (with the same driver as yesterday, who will absolutely figure in at another point in this story), we arrive at the hospital. After some paperwork, we went upstairs to the examination room where Chinese bureaucracy was displayed at its finest. Instead of sitting in one room and having all the tests done there, I walked in, sat down, had whatever test that room did performed on me, then get up, and went to the next room. Instead of employing a few nurses to do many tasks, they employed about 3-4 nurses per room to do one task. Absolutely ridiculous. I mean ONLY ONE TASK. One person weighed and measured me. Another took my blood pressure. Another checked my heart rate. Normal standard stuff. Then the weird shit started. (Also, before I begin the weird shit, I had the most ghetto eye test ever. I didn't have to take off my glasses. The lady told me stand behind a piece of tape, gave me a metal spoon and asked me to read the chart. I didn't understand why I needed the spoon until she gestured to me that I was supposed to use the spoon to block one of my eyes as I read. No technology, just spoons. Nice, China. Nice.)

I believe I can now say with conviction, I am the only person my age that I know, who has had an ultrasound. i'm not joking right now; there is no hyperbole in my statement; I read the English on the door and I've seen them in movies: I got an ultrasound today. I have no clue what purpose it served or what they were looking for, but they did it. I couldn't stop giggling the whole time during the procedure because 1) it was ridiculous and 2) I'm ticklish. I'm sure the nurse thought I was retarded. After the ultrasound, I don't even know what they did next. I think it was something relating to electromagneticism, but that's just a guess. I had to lie down. Clamps were put on both my wrists and one of my ankles then I lifted up my shirt and they attached some clips to my chest. I got nervous at this point because I thought they were going to shock me. I wanted to ask the nurse if this was going to hurt but I couldn't remember the words. Anyway, it didn't hurt, and I still don't know what they did.  After a chest x-ray (unlike Alex and Estee, I was not given the choice of a low radiation option for an extra fee. I'm just going to pretend Wuxi is more advanced than Beijing and all the x-rays here are low radiation. Maybe that'll help me sleep tonight., I got my blood work done and was told to go to the bathroom for a urine sample. The urine sample had me pee in a cup with a spout, then POUR THE URINE INTO A TUBE! I don't understand that at all. Why not just make the cup the sample holder? Why have an extra step that heightens the risk of me getting pee on myself? Argh. Anyway, no spills and after that, I was done. (Quick note here, the note being fuck you Alex!!! That douche informed/scared the shit out of me on Saturday night (while I was drunk so maybe my judgement wasn't at its apex...) by telling me they performed an STD test at the physical (that was a legitimate statement since every form here asks if I have AIDs or an STD). However, I wasn't scared of the STD test, I was more concerned about him telling me they stick a needle into the man's urethra (we're going scientific here, it's too painful otherwise) about two inches deep. I've been squirming the past few days and was dreading it while at the hospital, but of course they didn't; he was just fucking with me. Thanks.)

Anyway, you'd think the day ended there, but of course not. The Mr. Wang had to buy something at a market, so our driver had to navigate a minivan in an extremely crowded parking lot. Now, he is not a patient driver. He enjoys using his horn unnecessarily and once again today pulled in front of someone and slammed the breaks so they could potentially hit us. Anyway he was annoyed in the parking lot because he had to wait for some people to unload stuff from a truck. The second he had open space he sped through, honking his horn. He was honking at a lady in the way. She didn't move, and he didn't stop driving. Luckily he hit the brakes and didn't hit her that hard. She seemed more pissed than hurt. He, not surprisingly was pissed she didn't move and glared at her as he drove by. Good times. (On the way to the hospital, I saw a scooter driver on the ground who'd just been hit by a car, I think he was bleeding from the leg, but he had too many people around him to be able to tell.)  After that, we got back here without incident (except for my breaking my ipod on the walk back to my apartment when it fell to the ground AGAIN. So I'm ipod-less, and trying to figure out a way to get a new one. Drats!

P.S. This has no relevance to anything above, but I felt like including it anyway since it happened yesterday at the Shnaghai airport. So I was waiting at the meeting point for Mr. Wang and had my bags in a cart. I was looking for him so my back was to my bags. I turn around and there's some Chinese guy, around my age, like 3 feet behind me, creepily looking at me. I asked him if he was Mr. Wang, but he wasn't. Then he didn't move, he kept standing there. Every time I looked over, he had a video game in his hand but seemed to be creepily looking at me. I didn't know if he wanted to hump me or steal my bags. Finally he moved away from my general vicinity, but HE WAS STILL FUCKING LOOKING AT ME. Not like the Chinese curiosity look but just really sketchy. I got really pissed because his look was annoying me. Finally, after 20 minutes, he walked away and I was saved from his creepiness.

Wuxi

So this is going to be a quick one, but will be followed by some absolutely mammoth posts hopefully within the next week. First order of business is that I am here in Wuxi, safe and sound. The ride I took here from Shanghai today probably should have killed me. The school's driver decided he wanted to ensure his tax dollars did not go to waste (yes, even in communist paradises like China there are taxes!) so he utilized all four lanes of the highway to the fullest extent. But it wasn't just the weaving in and out of traffic, there was also driving in between lanes to get by cars; there was the squeezing himself in between buses and trucks; the time where a truck decided he was going too fast, so he CUT INTO OUR LANE AS WE WERE TRYING TO DRIVE BY HIM! Like seriously, I've always chuckled at the thought of slowing down asshole drivers by getting in their way, but you aren't supposed to actually do that. So after almost hitting the truck, we sped up, cut off the truck, then slammed on the brake, almost causing the truck to rear end us. Also, at several points bridges/highways were under construction. Most of them were well marked when we had to drive on the other side of the road. However, this being China, not everywhere was fully marked. So we drove on the wrong side in their left hand lane, getting honked at by every car. That was bad enough. Then he decided he wanted to pass the car in front of us, so he swerved into the lane that contained oncoming traffic, almost hitting a bike and another car before swerving back into our lane. Good times.

Other than the drive, not much else to report. EIther this is the most polluted place I've ever been, or visibility was just bad because of the weather today (I honestly don't know the answer to that question). I have yet to see Wuxi, because I'm in suburb that reminds me of Florida for some reason.... except if you replaced all the old people and hicks with Chinese people. I'll wander into town tomorrow when I have to register with the local police. The apartment the school gave me is bigger and nicer than I thought it'd be (with those being relative terms in China). I have two rooms, a bathroom, and a room with a washing machine (no dryer, so those dryer sheets were a worthless addition to my already bloated suitcase that gave me fines in both Seoul and Beijing!). As for appliances, I have cable TV (with one English station!), AC (which is currently not working, leaving me to sweat my balls off), a fridge, microwave, hotpot, and internet (which isn't supposed to be working right now, but I'm not complaining). Anyway, I have an early day tomorrow so I must be off now but I'm going to attempt to get some Korea and Beijing stuff up here, and I've taken about 600 pics in the past week, so stay tuned on Facebook for that!

Visa Goodness

Ok so a few quick notes before I take what will most likely be a leave of absence for a few weeks (though since I regularly do that without cause, it's not like me not writing for a few weeks is a big deal).

First off, I officially have clearance to enter China legally!!! The visa paperwork arrived on Monday and today I spent the day in New York City at the Chinese Consulate getting my visa approved. Now, for those of you who have never been, there is no straightforward way to enter because the sidewalk is divided by metal barriers which can only be entered from the sides of the building. Of course, for a person with my caliber of intelligence, it took me about 5 mins to figure out how to get into the building. Whilst I was wondering outside the building, I heard loud shouting and hollering. I normally would've just ignored the shouting since I was in NYC, and people do strange things there all the time (today I saw a fully grown male in a Jane costume. As in Tarzan's Jane. Without shaving his copious amounts of body hair. He was also wearing earrings. It was weird); however, it sounded like Chinese people were doing the yelling so I had to listen in. I soon realize there was a Free Tibet protest across the street! Needless to say, that made entering the consulate rather embarrassing, what with people screaming about bloody Olympics, Chinese genocide, and something or other about the Dalai Lama (quick fieldtrip for everyone, go to the Google and use it to look up Xinhua's (the official Chinese news agency) interpretation of the Tibetan protests. Interesting stuff). Getting into the embassy I had to show my passport, go through a metal detector, and they made me check my camera. Unless they thought it was a bomb, I don't understand the no camera rule; the place looked like a DMV, except there were a bunch of Chinese people in there. Whatever. Anyway, I got stuck in traffic so I didn't get to the embassy until after noon and was fearful they wouldn't be able to process my application in the same day (for a fee of course, gotta love those pseudo- communist capitalists!). However, the paperwork was taken care of in less than two hours and I now have a shiny (not really) new visa inside my passport! How exciting! I also realize I need to start going places other than China. 15 pages of my passport have been used, and I think China has 9 of those pages. So now that I'm legal, and my plane leaves Tuesday morning, I have pretty much no time to get everything together to live in China for 11 months. Good times. I'll attempt to post an update before I depart, but I make no promises.

P.S. Alex started his own blog, which I presume means he won't be guesting here any more, and good riddance! Anyway, here's the link to his blogpiece. I plan on posting a rebuttal to his interpretation of the Beijing Opening Ceremonies, but I fear by the time I get to it, it'll be old hat and I won't remember my specific points. In case I don't get around to making said post, I disagree with his opinion.

P.P.S. I'm thinking of changing the URL because, you know, having my last name attached to a blog on which I frequently go on profanity laced tirades about a myriad of subjects may not be the smartest thing I've ever done, so if, for some reason, you have this favorited, it may not work in the future.

P.P.S. While typing that last P.P.S., I accidentally deleted the screen and was pissed that I was going to have to rewrite the whole post again, which would've been disastrous. Luckily Blogger is retard proof and saved a draft of the post.

Massachusetts Turnpike Memorial Part II.

Ok so it's time for part two of the series on the Turnpike since my storied toll collecting career is officially over. Today I'm going to talk about shoddy work conditions because that seemed to come up multiple times. First off, I work outside. Fairly straightforward. However, knowing that our job is carried out outside (that sounded awkward), several things occur that shouldn't (both customer and Turnpike Authority having fault here):

1) It is a known fact that when you are outside, there is wind. Very basic stuff. However, people insist on dropping money into your hands when it's windy out and it could blow away. Then the bills get carried to the ground and the morons sit in their cars, staring at you blankly, expecting you to get out of the booth to get the cash they dropped because they're retarded. I mean seriously, the way some people hand off money, you'd think they've never seen the stuff before. It's ridiculous. Balled up, sweaty bills, with random coins jabbed into them. How the hell am I supposed to handle that? Or driving by, not stopping, and throwing money into my hands. I hate that. It makes me want to stab people. The worst offenders (and this has nothing to do with weather) originated with the increase of the tolls to $1.25. Coincidentally, people started confusing nickels with quarters, and conveniently shoving the nickel in the middle of the other four quarters, and speeding off before they can be caught. Fucking tightwad assholes. I absolutely took every plate down that shorted me 20 cents. I don't care if I had the change to cover it, if you're going to try and screw me, I will absolutely write you up and not care. Bastards.

2) Once again, with the outside theme, if we're going to work outside, you'd think we'd have strong equipment that could withstand variances in the weather. However, since this is the Turnpike Authority, everything is done on the cheap, so of course our computers and ticket machines are complete shit. The ticket machines are horrible because in any type of high temperatures or humid conditions, they break. While the high temperature thing isn't that bad, we work in fucking Boston which is humid as shit during the summer. Of course, the ticket machine breaks whenever it's humid and there's no way to fix it unless a) the humidity goes away or b) the machine stops its bitch fit and decides to work for a few minutes before breaking again. I get pissed, will hit the machine to the point of breaking my hand (one of these days I'll either finally break that bad habit naturally or I really will break my hand, forcing me to stop). Inevitably, I hand out blank tickets because I don't like having to deal with those machines. The blank tickets I'm sure piss off the people at the other end of the toll who have to deal with my laziness, but that's their problem. Other than the humidity, heat also gets to the machines. One of the booths has an automatic ticket machine next to where a collector has to work. The machine already makes the booth very cramped, because it takes up half the width of a small space to begin with. It gets even worse when it's hot because the ticket machine jams. If it's jammed because of overheating, that means the door to the automatic machine has to stay open, which further restricts movement and is immensely frustrating when someone is trying to give you a break and two people can't fit in the freaking booth. Argh.

3) Just a random complaint that I won't elaborate on, but the machines are also sensitive to sunlight. I mean, it's not like the machines are outside in booths that often don't have tinted windows, it's not like they'd need to withstand possible periods of sunlight...

4) My last day at my usual interchange, I was in Lane 7, easy day, shouldn't have been difficult. I keyed into the booth and started taking cars. Naturally, someone asked for a receipt, which I attempted to oblige. However, when I printed out a receipt, there were two, one of which was blank. I got really confused but at first assumed the person before me had just put new paper into the machine and printed a receipt but never tore it away. A minute later, I printed another receipt and two came out again so I asked the guy I relieved if that had been happening to him. In true J.D. (name protected) fashion, he responded "Of course, it fucking happened to me. It's been fucking happening for two fucking days now. I fucking told them in the office but no one listens in this place it's a fucking piece of shit." I was slightly peeved it hadn't been fixed, so I called the office to let them know. They pretended they had no clue it had been broken, and told me to call them back if I couldn't fix it, which I'd already told them I couldn't. They obviously had zero interest in coming out to do anything so I just left it and handed people double receipts all day, which was somewhat awkward but i figured better than throwing out the blank half of the receipt.

5) Lastly, the tiny metal spiral, rickety staircases you have to walk up to get into your lane are a SERIOUS safety hazard. As a quick background, to get to your lane, you have to walk in a tunnel under the highway, then walk up a staircase. Going up is never the issue, it's always walking down with a giant ass money bag full of coins and singles (no joke, those things are fucking heavy. I thought I strained a muscle in my forearm last week because I had $417 in change and $1008 in singles [yea I know the exact figures...]) that becomes a problem. I can't count how many times I've almost tripped down the stairs because everything I'm carrying is too unwieldy (I also can't walk across lanes anymore because someone stole my safety vest on Father's Day last year and no one's bothered to get me a new one. Sure my bosses will yell at me for crossing Fast Lanes without the vest, but no one's willing to actually solve the problem and get me a new one. bah.). Anyway, it gets even worse when it's raining out because the stairs are slick and it's easy to trip. Not good times.

I'm done with occupational hazards for now. Tomorrow (or next update, whenever the hell that will be) is probably going to center on people getting more belligerent than ever this summer. Seriously, the road has populated with a bunch of impatient assholes all summer. So stay tuned!

Massachusetts Turnpike Memorial Part I.

In honor of my last day at the Turnpike, I'm going to recount some choice experience I've to share:

'What's your sign?' - Melissa

'Uh... what?'- me

'What's your sign?' - Melissa

'You mean like zodiac?' - me

'Yea' - Melissa

'Uh.. I'm a Scorpio' - me

'O you sexual' - Melissa

'Um.. what?!' - me

'You sexual... you a freak' - Melissa

'Uh... um... thanks?'- me

She then proceeded to only address me as Scorpio from thenceforth, at point screaming 'SCORPIO!' at the top of her lungs because she had a question she needed to ask me that couldn't be said in front of patrons. Needless to say she scared the shit out of me to the point where I jumped at my own shadow. I was legitimately scared she was going to rape me. Bad times.

Quick Things

Ok so I'm postponing the second half of the St. Patty's Post to do another quick things so I have a few things that are interesting/humorous (sp?) that I'd like to share.

First off, the Hangzhou authorities rejected my visa on Monday, which fucking sucks. I was really looking forward to working/living there and losing it at what seemed like the last minute, when I had everything locked up is really disappointing. Luckily, I got some more offers, specifically in Wuxi and Wenzhou, a prospective offer in Hangzhou that I'd get through some visa hanky panky (no interest in going there), and possibly a job in Beijing working with xiao haizi (liitle kids...), which I'm iffy on. If Wuxi had more going on for it, or I had more info on it, then that'd be the decision if someone put a gun to my head right now, but I have a few days to make a decision (hopefully...) so I'll figure something out (hopefully...). Enough with this serious nonsense, now it's time for some tales from the tollbooth (maybe I should rename this Tales from the Tollbooth since I'm assuming most of the stuff in Quick Things from here on out will be from the Pike).

I'm working on the 4th, which is expected. Since I started work after sophomore year in high school, I've had one 4th of July off, and that was because I was in California at the time. San Diego to be exact (quick note on that trip: Roger Clemens has been pitching for pretty much my whole life. I've been to probably close to 50 or so Sox games thoughout my life. Aside from pitching for the Sox til I was 11 or so, he's also pitched for the Jays and Yanks. However, the only time I have ever seen him pitch was on July 4th, when he pitched for Houston against San Diego, pretty much the exact opposite end of the country. Weird). Anyway, the 4th may not be miserable this year, which would be nice. I was in the busiest booth on Tuesday, which means I shouldn't go back in there for another week. So as long as my bosses don't fuck me over, I should have an easy day and not have to deal with assholes (consdering at 9:45 last year I got an asshole and flipped on him when he called me slow, when I was the fastest moving lane out there. I really wanted to punch that dick).

The thing that kills me about the tolls is that lines occur pretty much every day. No matter how fast (or slow) I work, the sheer number of cars that come through the interchange every day means there will be some back up. What I can't understand is what people are doing in their cars when they wait 5+, get up to the booth, and don't have their tickets and money ready. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? Are you fucking masterbating in your car? Otherwise, what the hell else is occupying your time while waiting in line in your car? Damnit. I'm riled up even though I'm sitting on a couch with a mug of whiskey right now (maybe the Carlos Mencia polluting my atmosphere is the cause...)

me: so i'm going to name my son johan teemu
mom: what the fuck kind of name is that? teemu?
me: yea, it's a strong finnish name
mom: i wouldn't call that a strong finnish name
me: well then what would you call a strong finnish name?
mom: .......
dad: i can't believe you just walked into his trap

So apparently the Cross Island Ferry has a bar in most of its boats. I took an 11am ferry today (or yesterday I guess...). For reason, I really wanted to order a Bud Light. There was no real reason. I was driving, so I couldn't get drunk. It was 11am, which is not a respectable hour to be drinking beer, let alone Bud Light. And I was tired as fuck because I had to wake up at 730am (which I forgot about last night, leading to a 345 bedtime and a grumpy me for most of the day). So yea, no good reason, I just wanted a beer. It was kinda nice, it reminded me of when I turned 21, and I wanted to order a beer wherever possible, just because I was legal and I could. I remember my first beer at the Garden, Gillette (never Fenway, I haven't been there since September of the 2006 season-- I will rectify that before I return to China), bar, restaurant, concert (Killswitch and Hatebreed at Lupo's. I went alone, looked around and realized I was one of the older people there, and ordered a beer just because I knew half the crowd couldn't). However, never before on a ferry. I'm 99% certain my beer craving was just because I could and I never had, which of course means tomorrow night (today!) I'll order one on the way home. I know I had more, but I can't remember, so I 'm just going to call it a night here, I'll be back soon with some more St. Patty's Day and more tales from the Pike.