Sunday, June 29, 2008

St. Patrick's Day in China Part 1

Okle, I've been promising this story for awhile and since I'm in a frisky mood, I'm finally going to write about our St. Patty's Day experience. So to begin, there are not alot of Irish people in Beijing and St. Patrick's Day last year fell on a Saturday, so we kinda wanted to make a weekend of it. COmpounding matters, it was also the opening weekend of the NCAA Tournament, and Holy Cross, by virtue of beating Bucknell's ass, had qualified and was playing Southern Illinois in Columbus Ohio on March 16th back in the States (which was the 17th in Beijing. Before I continue, a quick diversion. When applying to colleges, one of my criteria was that I wanted to go to a school that had a shot at qualifying for the tourny, so I could be in the front row, shirtless, with my chest painted in school colors. I first went to Villanova, which was a great basketball school. However things didn't work out for me there. In my three March Madnesses at HC, they only made the tournament once, and of course it was the year I was in China, unable to go. I definitely would've skipped the two days of classes to watch that game in person. I'm still kinda bummed about it now that I think about it).
So the night before St. Patty's after dinner, we tried to look for an Irish pub where we could relax with some beers. We wound at a place called Molly's (note: that may not be the name, I can't remember). It looked like a decent enough bar from the outside, and it was in the embassy district. Once inside, things got weird. Beers cost 30 kuai (about $4.25), which is freaking expensive in China. Also, when we tried to tak a group picture a 'bouncer' (i.e. a large man with a headset in his ear) rudely told us pictures were not allowed. The clientele was also creepy. A bunch of middle-aged to old westerners paired with YOUNG Chinese girls. Like our age young (only other place I saw this was in Chongching with Alex and Nate, also really creepy). After a beer in there, we decided to call it a night since the place seemed too much like a brothel, and we decided to reconvene in the morning for the festivities.
Of course on the morning of St. Patrick's Day, CET organized a voluntary scavenger hunt in Houhai which was to begin at 8am. We woke up at the same time as those scavengers, but it was to head off to Lush because we had spotted that they had 10kuai Guiness all day on St. Patrick's Day PLUS they had free internet, so we could hook up to CBS Sportsline to watch the HC game. So we arrived at the bar at about 9am, just in time for tip-off, ordered some Guinesses and breakfast, and tried to set up the internet. Only problem: we were in China and of course it wasn't fucking working. Finally the internet works, but the connection was too slow to load up the CBS feed, so I had my laptop on ESPN Gamecast, getting updates, but seeing no video. So this conintues throughout the first half until one of our friends, in his infinite wisdom, manages to start a video chat with his friends back home in CT, and they turn their web cam towards the tv, so we could watch their televsion. When we first did that, the Kentucky game was on, which was bullshit. However, within a few minutes, they switched to the end of the HC game, which was close until the end, though Southern Illinois wound up pulling out the win, dashing our dreams. After the game ended, we decided to wander around Wudaokou for the afternoon, enjoying the sunny March day, and being slightly tipsy. However, there was a problem with the bill, despite the ads for the cheap Guiness all day on St. Patty's Day, they tried to claim the promotion only applied after noon on Saturday, which was absolutely bullshit. The friend who got us the video chat in CT came up huge again, arguing with the waiters and managers for around 30 mins before they finally relented and sold us the beer at the proper price. Freaking China sometimes. Anyway, we'd never really walked around Wudaokou, so we went to a corner store, bought some beer (no brown bagging for us! open container laws don't exist in China, we even drank in taxis!) and wandered for the next few hours, before we got hungry again and returned to Lush to eat lunch and devise our plan for the evening. We decided to try and find a pub/restaurant called Dirty Nellie's because 1) (numbers!) one of our friends was obsessed with the place since her name happened to be Nell and 2) it seemed like the best bet for an authentic Irish experience in Beijing, so we headed back to CET to get ready for the evening.
This is part 1, I'm going to go through the second half of the day at some point soon, maybe later tonight if I get bored.

Quick Things Part 2

Ok so I forgot about the original story that inspired me to post tonight (this morning...) but quick point before I divulge it, I quickly went through the archives because I normally don't read anything up on here after writing it (and I mean literally after I write it, absolutely nothing on this blog is edited, in case you couldn't tell). Anyway, my stream of conscious is loaded with grammatical errors and misspellings. If a rando were to come along this by accident, they would legitimately think I'm a retard. Hell, most of you people probably think I'm a retard (like that time I knocked my money tray off a ledge and had to pick up about $2500 off the floor of thr booth). Anyway, the story. So yesterday we were shorthanded because 1) (ah! those pesky numbers are back!) it was Saturday and we're chronically undermanned on the weekends and 2) a few people called in sick. I was in the ticket booth, which meant I wanted to bash my face in for 8 hours, since it was so boring. At least I got to read in there, I banged out 200 pages of free reading, which I haven't done in one day in forever. It felt good. The book is by Will Leitch (former) editor of deadspin *sniff*. The link is in the side. I recommend using it. The book is also good. I recommend buying it. Now that my shameless plug is done, back to the Pike. I was working the ticket booth and realized that Pike management, in their infinite wisdom, took out one of the automatic ticket machines in their attempt to force everyone to buy a Fastlane (got my free one today!). That leaves one automatic machine, and the booth where a person sits. Two ticket lanes, 4 Fastlanes. So at one point today, the automatic broke, meaning I was the only person handing out tickets and traffic backed up. Then, they shut down the automatic lane to open it for Eastbound traffic since it was backed up like half a mile, once again leaving me as the only entity handing out tickets. This led to 1) (Numbers!) my first 'go fuck yourself' of the summer, always a special moment when a retard customer steps over the line, not quite realizing that I know how to do my job, very fucking well, in fact, and that most hold ups, are the fault of the people on the road, not me 2) a woman (blonde) driving on the wrong side of the road. Now, the signs can be confusing if you're a moron who can't drive and process information at the same time, but if you're reasonably intelligent, you can figure out where to go (gee, I want to continue on the Pike so I shouldn't exit... but I don't have a Fastlane.... hm.... that says 'Tickets', maybe I should go in that lane...). Anyway, she got flustered and stopped in the middle of the highway; always a smart decision (yea, I shoehorned in that semicolon). Instead of looking for another ticket lane, SHE DECIDED TO CROSS THE CROSS AND ENTER THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. Yea, the sign still said tickets, but the light was red and there was still a cone in that lane since it hadn't officially been opened yet (Thank God). So she crosses the cones, and attempts to get a ticket and keep driving. Of course she can't. They gave her a ticket for her troubles, but she was forced to back up into oncoming (also always a good decision) in order to continue along her merry, idiotic way. Ok, I'm seriously done now, it's 5am and I need some beauty sleep.

Quick Things

So it's 330 and I'm awake doing sudoku puzzles, because that's become my new occupation (I also just got writer's block for the first time ever which is shocking because 1) this is completely free form and off the top of my head, so it's not like I'm limited to certain subjects and 2) I had somewhat of a plan before deciding to write this. So yea, either an inexplicable case of writer's block or Road Trip is distracting me). Anyway, once again I'm going to make a valiant attempt to write shorter, more focused posts, in the attempt to get stuff up here more often (since while in China, I assume I'll be writing frequently since I won't have friends or, you know, any acquaintances within a two hour plane ride). So the posts are going to be called Quick Things, because I'm clever like that and giving it a name may inspire me to post more often. So anyway, this is just some random shit from the past few weeks that is too short to warrant its own topic, but relevant/interesting enough that people may want to read about it.

I'm back on the Pike this summer, which is awesome. I was really worried that I was going to have to get a real job this summer, which would've blown. I spent a decent amount of time on Craig's List before the LSAT in an effort to 1) procrastinate and 2) look at my prospects for being employed (i.e. paid) for a few months (by the by, I'm all about the numbered lists right now, expect more). With all that time spent, I can honestly say, most of the jobs look like shit. I should applaud all of my friends for finding decent employment cuz it really sucks out there. I was resigned to a summer spent as a freaking secretary as an alternative to the Pike. There was one enticing prospect as a personal assistant to a mom. It involved driving her kids from Newton to Tennis/Golf Camp in Wayland and being relatable to teens. I know about the High School Musicals and the Jones Brothers and all the hip things the kids are into these days. I think I could've done that. Anyway the whole point of this long-winded intro (so much for that whole focused posting thing...) is to give a few stories from the road...

Since the tolls went up a quarter in January, they had to shift our bank (the bank is the $250 they give us to start the shift to make change and we repay back at some point) and start giving us dimes. Dimes suck. They're small, difficult to pick up (even for someone with girl hands, like me), and are a pain in the ass in general. I'm willing to hand them out and whatever, but I try and dump them when I can (like $1s. Lord help you if you pay with a $20 or more in my booth. You will reap what you have sown jackass). Anyway, my first day back one of the vets came in to give me my break and started complaining, as he is wont (and notorious) to do. We got on the subject of patrons (I hate calling them that. I call them customers and get made fun of by a certain person from Georgia for that- that's a test to see if people read this) and he started complaining about dimes. Anyway, he won't crack open nay of his rolls of dimes (i'm sorry I need to interrupt this right now. As I mentioned earlier, I'm watching Road Trip. The lead character is saved because the girl he boned calls in a fake bomb threat. Now I'm not sure when this movie was made but I get the feeling in the post 9/11 that shit won't fly. I should also note here I'm not p.c. I got hit with a slipper by my mom the other day because I called a guy a pussy for being proud of his wife doing something. Whatever, he was asking for it.). Back to the dimes. He won't crack them open because he hates them that much. He also complained about people giving him dimes, specifically noting that only certain people paid with them. Normally, I wouldn't waste about 1000 words on something so non-descript, however, I believe the direct quote was "Only the fucking gooks give you the dimes". Yea, I got nothing to follow that one up, just wanted it out there.

So yesterday (though I guess now technically two days ago since it's now 4am...) we had a little severe thunderstorm. On my drive in to work, I saw some lightning, and didn't really think twice since I knew it was supposed to rain. Anyway, the storm wound up going right over the interchange (Sorry, I switched over to Gladiator and this movie is fucking badass. I want that on the record. Feifizzle has good taste in Russell Crowe. Also, I just realized this is the end. Second time tonight I've missed a good movie (Billy Madison is the other). Anyway, the storm wound up going right over the interchange, and as I was about to go out to my lane, the power went out, which has never happened while I was there, and the regulars said they'd never seen that also. We're supposed to have a generator, but it did not kick in, so the power stayed out. At this point. the rain was porung down. I mean fucking sheets of water. So even with the power out, another seasonal and I wanted to walk through the tunnel to our lanes. Yea, it was pitch black down there, but we had cell phones to light the way and walking through the dark beat being soaked. However, that option was taken away from us. It was deemed to be "unsafe" and an "oocupational hazard" (my words, not boss man's, but I'm paraphrasing). Therefore, we were told to walk across the lanes which didn't fly because 1) have I mentioned the fucking pouring rain? and 2) I haven't had a safety vest since someone took it Father's Day last year (I remember the day, the booth I worked in, and when I realized it was gone, yet I can't remember to eat dinner some nights--- though that's also a laziness thing...). So we were forced to walk across the lanes and get soaked in the process. If that wasn't enough, just as I got to my lane. There was a lightning bolt that struck something closeby. I legitimately jumped when I saw it and heard the crack, and I like thunderstorms. So yea, longwinded way of saying I'm as pussy.

Right now I'm home alone which is always entertaining. I won't clean anything up until the parents come home. I don't necessaruily leave messes, per se, just a crapload of clutter... and beer bottles. As I referenced above, I've been too lazy to eat dinner lately, or much of anything, which has led to 330am dinners and crappy ramen. Anyway, the real story here is that I attempted to participate in a Beer Olympics last night with a friend. We set up a table in the garage, for an outdoorsy feel, and have some tunes playing (BANG... CAMARO!). Now, I didn't think we were too loud. Apparently, a neighnor disagreed and called the cops. The more I think about it, the more incredulous/indignant I am. Seriously, the cops? I'll admit I was intoxicated, but it was just the two of us, and I turned down the music after 1 to make sure we weren't being too obnoxious. The cop didn't even believe he was at the right address, asking twice to make sure he was at the right house. Anyway, I diffused the situation after he pointed out it was 2am, which I didn't originally believe (did I mention the store near me sells 20 bottles of Busch for $10...) and we went along our merry way to some late night dumplings. And that, my friends is my encounter with the cops this week. In the next Quick Things I'll relate my T ride home after the Celts parade (my intense hatred of Kobe is personified by 'NO MEANS NO!' being my favorite new chant...)

Anyway, I'm done for now, thanks for sticking in there for this whole thing. I'll try and do a China story sometime this week

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Working in China

It's been awhile since I last posted, which is rather unfortunate, but things have been crazy, what with me being an unemployed college graduate and all. My days are filled with countless hours online reading pointless shit (I read two blogs centered on the Kansas City Royals. Yea, you read that right, the fucking Kansas City Royals, who are completely irrelevant to my existance. All it has taught me is I disapprove of their manager, Trey Hillman, I have three Royal pitchers on my fantasy baseball team, even though their team ERA is 4.59, and I have a borderline unhealthy man crush on Billy Butler, culminating in finally getting him via trade, only to have him be demoted the next day.), LSAT studying, Sudoku, and sleeping until noon. The only productive thing I've done since being home is I've started running again. However, even that one backfired when I ran during the heatwave and apparently damaged my lungs in the process thanks to poor air quality. Good times.
Anyway, I promised my next post would be on St. Patrick's Day and that's not happening. Instead, I'm going to talk about my search for employment in China, specifically the past few weeks (there's much more to get into, but it's tiresome and too wordy even for me to elaborate on). So we're going to pick up the search about three weeks ago. I'd been in contact with a recruiter named Jessica since early May. I initially contacted her about a private school job in Hangzhou (as a quick diversion, given the choice between public and private schools, the difference lies in the fact that privates usually pay more, but the hours are crappier and longer and they don't treat you as well. Given the fact that I want to work as little as possible, I'll take less money and less hours if at all possible). I decided if I couldn't be in Beijing, I wanted to be in Hangzhou, because it is the most beautiful city in China. Now, I realize that seems like quite the declarative statement and you're right. It is. However, it is backed up by pretty much every Chinese person who has been there (quick sidenote, every Chinese person I've talked to has been to Hangzhou except one, the guy who owns the Chinese restaurant my family frequents [those of you who go way back will remember it as the site of my high school grad party.] After eating there last week as we were walking out the door, I hung back to ask him about Hangzhou, just to see if he had anything interesting to say. He looked at me for 5 seconds, then said dismissively that he's never been there because "China's a big country." Thanks for making me feel like a racist, dick. It was a legitimate fucking question).
So yea, Hangzhou. The original job was in a private school and I decided to accept it because I was finding nothing in Beijing, which sucked balls. Donkey balls, in fact. I was about to sign the contract and luckily I read it a second time, which isn't normally a strong suit of mine. The job was supposed to be from September 1-June 30. Instead, the contract ran through August 31,2009 which would be impossible for me if I wanted to attend law school in fall 2009 (though the LSAT score may have something to say about that...). That length was unacceptable and not what Id been told, so I told her to shorten the contract. In response, they tried to cut my benefits since I wouldn't work for a full year. It went from full reimbursement for a round trip ticket to only half, which was bullshit. I called her out on it and she claimed the contract had always been for a year (not fucking true, I came across an email last night as I was clearing out my college inbox *tear* and she said Sept-June. That ass). I told her I wouldn't accept the job anymore and thanked her for her time. She responded back that she had a public school opening, which immediately intrigued me and I responded as such.
Here's where things get ridiculous. They ask for my documents i.e. passport, diploma, photo (yea a photo. If you aren't white, you won't get the job. Chinese people are racist), and resume. At this point I hadn't graduated and told her I'd send her the diploma as soon as I received it. She asked for my most recent diploma, so I sent her my high school diploma and my study abroad stuff. No problems, she tells me to send her the college diploma as soon as possible.
After graduation, it takes a bit to get her the diploma, I had to take a pic of it and email it to myself so I could send it to her but it goes through. Problem solved except I get an email the next day (I should point out here that China is 12 hours ahead of Boston. So it's 2am as I write this which means it's 2pm over there. Also, China has one time zone for the whole freaking country. Yea, one timezone. It makes no sense, but these are important facts that I want to give you, the reader) which said the school couldn't read the diploma. She asked if it was in Spanish. It's in Latin. So I told her the school gave us an English translation and I could send that to her if the school wanted to know what it meant, but the English copy didn't have my name and didn't have the school seal on it. It wasn't my diploma. It was a TRANSLATION. After two days worth of shenanigans in getting her the copy (seriously, my computer blows sometimes), I'm finally able to fax it to her, but not before she picks up the phone in the middle of the transmission even though I emailed her to tell her I was sending her the fax, forcing me to send it again. Two days later I get an email telling me the school has rejected me for the job because I didn't graduate from a school in an English speaking country (USA, Canada, England, Australia, and New Zealand are the qualifiers) and I didn't have a B.A. Now there is something wrong with that for three reasons:
1) HC is in fact located in America. I know this because I live in America and I don't need my passport to get there, just the toll fare on the Pike
2) I got a B.A. BECAUSE IT FUCKING SAYS SO ON THE ORIGINAL DIPLOMA. Bachelor of Arts. Pretty easy to understand but they don't get it.
3) After the recived my diploma but before they got the English copy, I SIGNED A CONTRACT. Now I realize in China, contract's aren't like they are in America, but seriously, they had my diploma for 10 days before they raised an objection over it, including 5 full days before I signed a contract, yet they stil ltried to void the job. I wanted to pull my becautiful beautiful hair out. I'm 90% certain she ignored my warnings and just gave the school the English copy, which is retarded. So I got angry and told her HC is in America and I did graduate with a B.A. and asked her if she wanted me to send her my transcript, or maybe I could ask my Chinese teacher to explain the situation. She asked for the Chinese explanation. So my Chinese teacher sent her a really nice email, telling her about HC and recomending her to hire me. Two days later I reecive an email from her, they want my Chinese teacher to translate the diploma into Chinese, which seems ridiculous but whatever. Luckily, he's a noble fellow and had no problems helping me out. At this point, they finally accepted all my documents and are applying for a work visa. We'll see what happens with that. Anyway, I'm getting hanf cramps from typing so much, but I'll provide periodic updates throughout the summer about preparations for leaving and some old stories that I haven't gone into yet.