Bathroom Stories Part II...

ok so I believe I left off with the baby shitting on the street in Shanghai. After this rude introduction to baby bathroom manners in China (yea, I could delve into detail about the grossness of adults and public washrooms as well, but that's another story for another day...) So we're going to pick this story up during our Spring Break trip (that transition makes it seem like Beijing is more civilized with the baby clothing slits, which on further thought may be true, but I also only gave that 2 seconds of thought, so that may not be the case). Anyways, we just climbed a mountain next to the Shaolin Temple in 90+ degree heat with all of our clothes for the week (pretty badass, I know) and after getting a ride into the city (another story for another day as well...) we find a bus to take us to Zhengzhou, a trip that would be a little over an hour. Now this bus was not very big. Maybe enough seats for 30 people max. We hopped on while the bus was moving. It was pulling out, some Chinese guy gestured to us that this was the bus we wanted so we ran up to it and it stopped just enough so we could hop on. Unfortunately, there were not five seats near each other so Alex and I sat right behind the door, Tingting and Hua got a row together a few aisles back and poor Nate was in the back of the bus. I forget why, but for some reason I had to stay awake on this bus ride even though I was exhausted and sweaty and just wanted to sleep. Regardless, this was a sketch ass Chinese bus which meant that it, of course, stopped along the road to pick up migrant workers with big sacks of rice or something or other. The seats were all full but we kept making stops. At the end of the trip (or at least where we got off) there were probably a solid twenty more people on that bus then there should've been, but yet I digress... At one of the stops, a mother and her very young child board the bus and proceed to seat one aisle up across from me. I'm basically zoned out at this point, listening to my music, trying not to fall asleep and praying that I'm not about to die in a car wreck. So I'm staring at the floor when suddenly I see a trickle of water running across the aisle of the bus. At first, I think nothing of it, then I look up to see that the baby is currently urinating on the floor of the bus. Fucking fantastic. So I instinctively move my backpack away from the river of pee. Of course it's already wet. So I look up at the mother, looking for an apology or mea culpa or at some sort of recognition that her baby's urine just made contact with my bag and of course she was oblivious. At this point, I've moved my bag to a few feet away from the urine and my feet are safely on a railing to prevent my shoes touching the piss. Thankfully we were in a vehicle in China so almost immediately we make a sharp turn that sends the urine hurtling in a new direction, you guessed it, right at my bag. So I make a Herculean effort to lift it up juuuust before the urine makes contact again. However, now I have a problem. There is pee all over the place and nowhere for me bag to go. I had to hold my bag by the strap for the last twenty minutes of the bus ride. It couldn't go on the floor because there was pee. It couldn't go on my lap because there was pee. No, I had to hold it. If this wasn't bad enough, aside from the fact that the mom clearly didn't give a shit about what had just transpired, no one around me cared as well. This baby just peed in a common area and everyone acts as if nothing has happened! Sometimes that country seriously confounds me. Anyways, two days later we found ourselves in Kaifeng, quite possibly one of the most surreal experiences of my life (another story for another day, actually this is all my Spring Break Story, maybe I should start posting installments on that soon....). We were probably the only foreigners in the city. And where did we go when we were tired and sweaty and waiting for the bus to take us back to Zhengzhou? None other than KFCizzle. I of course got a meal because I am a fatass. Everyone else just sat there or got some iced cream. While we are sitting there, marinating, if you will, a woman enters the establishment with her child, once again, slit is apparent (one thing I've yet to mention about the slits, you can see EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING. Not that I'm looking or anything, but it's somewhat unnerving when you're walking around and suddenly see a little kid's balls hanging out of his pants. If you're a pedophile go to China, you'll love it. Seriously). For some reason the mom thinks it's a great idea to put the baby on the table. In America, nothing wrong with that. In China, that means his ass is on the table with no buffer in between. Fucking disgusting. Luckily I enjoy my fried chicken, otherwise I would've puked. The lesson here: never EVER eat off a table in China, you never know if a baby's ass has made contact with where your food now sits...